After my last post about failure, Sifu Csillag recommended a book to me called "Failing Forward". I'm about a third of the way through it now and one of the things the author, John C. Maxwell, talks about is the concept of taking action. He says that you can't wait until you feel good to take action; you have to first take action to feel good.
This is one of the things that I'm struggling with right now. Most days I question why I'm trying to learn kung fu, let alone why I joined the I Ho Chuan. The sense of failure I have is much stronger than the feeling of accomplishment. I feel bad more often than I feel good. I accept that that is all on me. The more work I put in, the more progress I'll make and, in turn, the better I'll feel about myself. The funny things is that, before kung fu, I was content with my mediocrity. I wasn't happy all the time, but I was as happy then as I am now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, at this point in time, I don't yet feel like kung fu has provided much value to me. That being said, I'm trying to push forward on blind faith. I'm going to continue to try to take action in hopes that I'll feel better.
It took me a few years to see the benefit. I'm constantly hard on myself and don't feel like I'm progressing, but then I look at myself a few years ago to now, and yes, I actually have. I've gone through alot of ups and downs with my training but the benefit more than out weighs any negativity I manifest in my weird little brain. I learned that if you're not failing, you're not trying and you don't actually fail unless you give up. Both those quotes contradict each other, but they both make sense to me depending on the mood I'm in. :) Even if you don't think the act of kung fu is benefitting you yet, think of the people you're surrounding yourself with. I've never met a better group,
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