I was in a fender bender on Sunday and while I was 100% not at fault legally, I can't help but think I was still responsible. I was going northbound on Jennifer Heil Way when another driver turned left out of the Superstore parking lot and hit me. He clearly didn't look before he turned as I would have been easy to spot since I was driving straight toward him. I saw that he was inching out and he had even started to block one lane of oncoming traffic.
I could have stopped even though he absolutely did not have the right of way but instead I slowed down a bit and kept driving, assuming that he saw me and was not going to proceed with his turn. He didn't hit me that hard as neither of us were going very fast and nobody was hurt.
My vehicle has a good amount of cosmetic damage and the other driver had insurance so, in the end, this is all just a big inconvenience. However, the lesson is not lost on me. Last night in class we were talking abut how out style of kung fu is a defensive style and that discussion seemed prudent, given the recent circumstances. It would be easy for me to take no responsibility in my accident as the law says I was not at fault whatsoever. The other driver made an illegal left turn and struck my vehicle.
But could I have prevented the accident? I believe so. I wasn't speeding and I was driving within the law but I wasn't driving defensively. Upon seeing that the other driver was inching into traffic and recognizing that he was oblivious to the other vehicles around him, I should have acted defensively and yielded. My ego would have suffered for a moment but my vehicle would have emerged unscathed.
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Yellow Belt
I received my promotion last night and, after some reflection, I've decided that it feels good. I have to admit that, at first, the only thing I felt was disappointment in myself for not getting it sooner. I have failed to take advantage of a lot of opportunities over the last year in the form of missed classes and not going to open training. But then I realized that the path I took was the one that I chose and the amount of time I put in was exactly what I was able to commit to at that point in time.
One of the things that I still struggle with is not comparing myself with others. When I was at open training last Saturday I noticed that the people that were there are the same people that are progressing fairly quickly, which, obviously, makes a lot of sense. If I want to progress faster, I have to put in more time; I can't complain to myself for not moving forward if I'm not doing that.
The point of this is that I realized that I achieved my promotion at exactly the time I was supposed to. While I think it's healthy to always want to do better, you have to be able to appreciate how far you've come and I think I do.
One of the things that I still struggle with is not comparing myself with others. When I was at open training last Saturday I noticed that the people that were there are the same people that are progressing fairly quickly, which, obviously, makes a lot of sense. If I want to progress faster, I have to put in more time; I can't complain to myself for not moving forward if I'm not doing that.
The point of this is that I realized that I achieved my promotion at exactly the time I was supposed to. While I think it's healthy to always want to do better, you have to be able to appreciate how far you've come and I think I do.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
AHA!
I just had a light bulb go off so I wanted to get it down while it's still in my head. I'm looking at things from the wrong angle. I need to change my point of view and look at this as an opportunity. This is a chance for me to push myself and see what I can do. Working toward a goal should be inspiring and enjoyable, not disheartening.
That's better.
That's better.
Mixed Feelings
Tonight's class was awesome and frustrating at the same time. I was reviewing the curriculum with Sifu Freitag working toward grading for my yellow belt. I received some much needed corrections in a lot of areas. It was really great to get some one on one instruction and I feel like I covered a lot and I will be able to make the improvement needed.
The frustrating part is that I feel like I've put in so much time and effort and I still have so much to work on. And this is just my first belt. It's only going to get more difficult from here. I know I can always do more but it's not like I'm not training. I put in practice of some kind pretty much every day. I know that the biggest problem is that because of my job my attendance in class is not consistent and therefore I can't get the corrections that I need sooner. I reinforce incorrect technique and now I have to fix it.
I feel like my goal to get my yellow belt by Christmas is in jeopardy. The positive is that I am off work for a month now so I can practice all I want. I told Sifu Freitag I would be ready to grade on the 22nd but I don't know if that's realistic based on where I am at right now. I hope it is.
The frustrating part is that I feel like I've put in so much time and effort and I still have so much to work on. And this is just my first belt. It's only going to get more difficult from here. I know I can always do more but it's not like I'm not training. I put in practice of some kind pretty much every day. I know that the biggest problem is that because of my job my attendance in class is not consistent and therefore I can't get the corrections that I need sooner. I reinforce incorrect technique and now I have to fix it.
I feel like my goal to get my yellow belt by Christmas is in jeopardy. The positive is that I am off work for a month now so I can practice all I want. I told Sifu Freitag I would be ready to grade on the 22nd but I don't know if that's realistic based on where I am at right now. I hope it is.
Friday, December 5, 2014
Self-Awareness
I've noticed over the last few days that one of the keys to success for me is self-awareness. The more that I train, the more a technique or pattern of thought becomes closer to becoming second nature. I want everything to become automatic so that I don't have to think about doing something; I just do it. Until I get to that point, however, I need to be consciously aware of what I'm doing.
Case in point - today I had a pretty good day for kindnesses. I said hello to a lot of different people, which I don't always do. The difference today was that I was trying hard to find opportunities to be friendly. I was looking people in the eye and saying hello wherever I could. Most other days I don't really think about doing this and it's not automatic yet. Despite the progress I've made on this front, I still have to be aware of what I'm doing and what I'm trying to accomplish.
This applies to other aspects of my training as well. If I do my forms without concentrating on my stances, my footwork is poor. If I practice roundhouse kicks without concentrating on where my knee is pointing, my kicks will be poor. This probably sounds pretty obvious to most people reading this but it's important for me because I feel like with all the reps I've done as part of the I Ho Chuan, sometimes it's easy to lose sight of what I'm trying to do and instead get caught up in the raw numbers. Quantity is important but so is quality and I find it difficult to achieve consistent quality in my training if I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing. This all comes down to self-awareness.
Case in point - today I had a pretty good day for kindnesses. I said hello to a lot of different people, which I don't always do. The difference today was that I was trying hard to find opportunities to be friendly. I was looking people in the eye and saying hello wherever I could. Most other days I don't really think about doing this and it's not automatic yet. Despite the progress I've made on this front, I still have to be aware of what I'm doing and what I'm trying to accomplish.
This applies to other aspects of my training as well. If I do my forms without concentrating on my stances, my footwork is poor. If I practice roundhouse kicks without concentrating on where my knee is pointing, my kicks will be poor. This probably sounds pretty obvious to most people reading this but it's important for me because I feel like with all the reps I've done as part of the I Ho Chuan, sometimes it's easy to lose sight of what I'm trying to do and instead get caught up in the raw numbers. Quantity is important but so is quality and I find it difficult to achieve consistent quality in my training if I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing. This all comes down to self-awareness.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Family
A member of my family was in a car accident on Friday and it really got me thinking. Where are my priorities? Am I doing the things that I want to be doing (or in some cases, should be doing)? Am I spending enough time with the people that I care about?
The answer to those questions aren't easy to face. It's hard for me to admit to myself that I'm living a life that is below my expectations for myself. It's easy to think big and have great ideas but all the plans in the world don't mean anything if you don't follow up and put them into action. While it's true that I'm a more productive person than I was a year ago, I can't improve fast enough. Time is our most precious resource and there's never enough of it. How do you fit everything you want or need to do into a day or a week or a year or a lifetime? Something has to give.
That's where values come into play. I know that I haven't placed a high enough value on my family. I have a great relationship with my sisters and my brother but less so with my parents. I don't talk to them about kung fu or the I Ho Chuan. I don't tell them about the progress I've made or how my life has improved. They might ask me "How's the karate going?' and I say fine and change the subject. This is a conscious decision I've made based on my past experiences but maybe it's time I rethink things.
Anger and resentment act like poison and if you don't deal with them, they will affect you negatively forever. That's easy to say but the hard part is actually overcoming them. I need to do more thinking about this but I suppose the first step in solving a problem is identifying it in the first place.
The answer to those questions aren't easy to face. It's hard for me to admit to myself that I'm living a life that is below my expectations for myself. It's easy to think big and have great ideas but all the plans in the world don't mean anything if you don't follow up and put them into action. While it's true that I'm a more productive person than I was a year ago, I can't improve fast enough. Time is our most precious resource and there's never enough of it. How do you fit everything you want or need to do into a day or a week or a year or a lifetime? Something has to give.
That's where values come into play. I know that I haven't placed a high enough value on my family. I have a great relationship with my sisters and my brother but less so with my parents. I don't talk to them about kung fu or the I Ho Chuan. I don't tell them about the progress I've made or how my life has improved. They might ask me "How's the karate going?' and I say fine and change the subject. This is a conscious decision I've made based on my past experiences but maybe it's time I rethink things.
Anger and resentment act like poison and if you don't deal with them, they will affect you negatively forever. That's easy to say but the hard part is actually overcoming them. I need to do more thinking about this but I suppose the first step in solving a problem is identifying it in the first place.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
The Four Agreements
Several years ago a friend of mine introduced me to a book called, "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's about overcoming personal limitations and creating happiness for yourself. When I first read it I really enjoyed it and I've always tried to apply it in my life, usually to limited success.
I started reading it again about a week ago and I was pleased to see how it applied to my kung fu. The four agreements are:
1) Be Impecccable With Your Word - Speak with integrity and don't use your words to speak against others or yourself. This is good advice in general but I think that most people (especially myself) say a lot of things to themselves that they would never say to someone else. Things like, "I can't do this", I'm not good enough", etc. I've told myself these things many times since I joined SRKF and I've held myself back as a result.
2) Don't Take Anything Personally - What others say and do is a result of their reality and has nothing to do with you. People (myself again) always seem to worry about what others think of them and this results in inaction. I experience this all the time. I concern myself with the opinion of others and this makes me hesitant to train outside because someone might see me and judge my lack of skill. But are they really judging me anyway? If they are, that's a reflection of them and not me.
3) Don't Make Assumptions - Ask questions and communicate with others (and yourself) to avoid misunderstandings. I have made assumptions every day of my life and most of them have probably been incorrect. Again, this creates a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. I assume I can't do something so I don't even try. I assume I'm going to get hurt so I don't push myself.
4) Always Do Your Best - This is pretty self-explanatory but one of the author's points is that "your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick." For someone that is working through injuries, this one really hits home. If I always do the best I can, regardless of injuries, I'm still going to make progress. And putting in 100% effort is a great habit to develop.
After reading this book again, I've decided to revisit it on regular basis. The four agreements are simple but they have far-reaching applications in all facets of my life.
I started reading it again about a week ago and I was pleased to see how it applied to my kung fu. The four agreements are:
1) Be Impecccable With Your Word - Speak with integrity and don't use your words to speak against others or yourself. This is good advice in general but I think that most people (especially myself) say a lot of things to themselves that they would never say to someone else. Things like, "I can't do this", I'm not good enough", etc. I've told myself these things many times since I joined SRKF and I've held myself back as a result.
2) Don't Take Anything Personally - What others say and do is a result of their reality and has nothing to do with you. People (myself again) always seem to worry about what others think of them and this results in inaction. I experience this all the time. I concern myself with the opinion of others and this makes me hesitant to train outside because someone might see me and judge my lack of skill. But are they really judging me anyway? If they are, that's a reflection of them and not me.
3) Don't Make Assumptions - Ask questions and communicate with others (and yourself) to avoid misunderstandings. I have made assumptions every day of my life and most of them have probably been incorrect. Again, this creates a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. I assume I can't do something so I don't even try. I assume I'm going to get hurt so I don't push myself.
4) Always Do Your Best - This is pretty self-explanatory but one of the author's points is that "your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick." For someone that is working through injuries, this one really hits home. If I always do the best I can, regardless of injuries, I'm still going to make progress. And putting in 100% effort is a great habit to develop.
After reading this book again, I've decided to revisit it on regular basis. The four agreements are simple but they have far-reaching applications in all facets of my life.
Friday, November 21, 2014
A Great Night
Today was the first day I've had since I've been out of town that I'm really happy with what I accomplished. I'm out the door at 4:55 in the morning and I don't get home until 6:30. That doesn't give me a lot of time to do everything I need to do, which is some or all of: hit the gym, go to the grocery store, get all my reps in, make my lunch, have a shower, and wind down for bed.
Leaving my reps until the end of the day isn't ideal but that's what I'm up against since I can't do anything at work and getting up at 4:30 is early enough for me. However, as I proved tonight, it's not really an issue. I got home from the gym at 7:30 and within an hour or so, I completed all my reps, made my lunch, cleaned up a bit, wrote this journal entry, and started some laundry. I would do 50 situps, empty the dishwasher, complete form reps, start on my lunch, do more situps, finish making my lunch, do some kicks, etc. Alternating reps with my chores made it easy to do both. Now I have an hour and a half to have a shower and wind down, which is plenty of time.
I feel like I really needed a day like this to get some momentum going. Now I just have to build on it.
Leaving my reps until the end of the day isn't ideal but that's what I'm up against since I can't do anything at work and getting up at 4:30 is early enough for me. However, as I proved tonight, it's not really an issue. I got home from the gym at 7:30 and within an hour or so, I completed all my reps, made my lunch, cleaned up a bit, wrote this journal entry, and started some laundry. I would do 50 situps, empty the dishwasher, complete form reps, start on my lunch, do more situps, finish making my lunch, do some kicks, etc. Alternating reps with my chores made it easy to do both. Now I have an hour and a half to have a shower and wind down, which is plenty of time.
I feel like I really needed a day like this to get some momentum going. Now I just have to build on it.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Same Old Story
How do you keep from being dragged down by things that you have no control over? A few things have been bothering me for months now and I can't do anything about them. There are many sayings out there about controlling what you can and not worrying about the rest and they're all true. Logically, I know that getting upset about things that I can't change is pointless but I'm doing it anyway.
I'm continuing to do my reps and I have to admit that seeing the numbers in my book every day does provide a certain amount of motivation for me. But Kung Fu can't solve every problem. So, where does that leave me? To be honest, I don't know. One of the biggest challenges for me so far this I Ho Chuan year has been kindness and dealing with my anger. I'm taking baby steps and I've logged a lot of AOK but if I'm honest with myself, I don't think I'm a nicer person. I'm nice for an instant and then I revert to reality. I'm at a loss over what to do.
I'm continuing to do my reps and I have to admit that seeing the numbers in my book every day does provide a certain amount of motivation for me. But Kung Fu can't solve every problem. So, where does that leave me? To be honest, I don't know. One of the biggest challenges for me so far this I Ho Chuan year has been kindness and dealing with my anger. I'm taking baby steps and I've logged a lot of AOK but if I'm honest with myself, I don't think I'm a nicer person. I'm nice for an instant and then I revert to reality. I'm at a loss over what to do.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Dealing With Injuries
It's been a long time since I have felt this bad, physically. My shoulder problems seem to be never-ending, my knees hurt, the tendonitis in my elbow is getting worse every day, and I don't remember what it feels like to be 100%. I'm getting treatment for my shoulders and elbow but nothing seems to be improving at the moment.
Through all of the frustration I'm trying to stay positive and just do what I can. I feel that if I can continue to make progress regardless of injuries, just imagine what I can do once I'm healed up. If nothing else, I'm learning not to take my health for granted. I'll be 40 in February so I'm starting to think that training with injuries of some kind is going to be my reality from now on. Maybe I will have to redefine what it means for me to be 100%.
Through all of the frustration I'm trying to stay positive and just do what I can. I feel that if I can continue to make progress regardless of injuries, just imagine what I can do once I'm healed up. If nothing else, I'm learning not to take my health for granted. I'll be 40 in February so I'm starting to think that training with injuries of some kind is going to be my reality from now on. Maybe I will have to redefine what it means for me to be 100%.
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Out of Town Training
Out of town training is starting to wear on me a bit. My motivation is very low, which, considering I set a goal for myself to get my yellow belt by Christmas, shouldn't be the case. I'm trying to take Sifu Brinker's advice and keep up my engagement in the hope that motivation will follow. The hardest part is that, without being in class to get corrected, I feel like I'm doing things wrong. When I do Da Mu Hsing I feel like every time I make a correction and reinforce it for myself, something else drops off and I'm not any further ahead. Keeping my body square is incredible difficult for me, even when I am consciously thinking about doing so. My heel still will not stay down and my feet do not want to point straight in my bow stance.
I'm trying to stay positive and just concentrate on what I'm doing but it's hard. I have almost a month off starting Dec 10 so I'm pretty excited to be able to put in some time at home. I guess this is just part of the ebb and flow of training. Sometime things are better than others.
I'm trying to stay positive and just concentrate on what I'm doing but it's hard. I have almost a month off starting Dec 10 so I'm pretty excited to be able to put in some time at home. I guess this is just part of the ebb and flow of training. Sometime things are better than others.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Practice
I was reading through some of Sifu Playter's old blog posts and in one of them he talked about practicing and specifically that it should be fun. This makes sense to me. If it isn't fun, why do it? But then I thought about it and, if I'm being honest, training is not fun for me. I feel good after a training session but I wouldn't describe it as fun. Class is fun most of the time and I do a lot of the same things in training that I do in class, so why is there a difference?
I don't know the answer to that question but I have a couple of ideas. One is that class takes place in the kwoon, which makes a big difference. It's easier to focus in the kwoon and having instructors give you real-time feedback helps you feel like you're making progress, however, minor it may be. Progress is fun. Second is that I think having classmates makes things more fun. Even though we're all on a journey individually, we're still a team and that helps a lot.
So, if practice isn't fun for me, is it sustainable? I think it is but it's still something for me to think about. There are many things I do, not because they are fun or enjoyable, but because the benefits are worth it. Maybe kung fu is that way for me.
I don't know the answer to that question but I have a couple of ideas. One is that class takes place in the kwoon, which makes a big difference. It's easier to focus in the kwoon and having instructors give you real-time feedback helps you feel like you're making progress, however, minor it may be. Progress is fun. Second is that I think having classmates makes things more fun. Even though we're all on a journey individually, we're still a team and that helps a lot.
So, if practice isn't fun for me, is it sustainable? I think it is but it's still something for me to think about. There are many things I do, not because they are fun or enjoyable, but because the benefits are worth it. Maybe kung fu is that way for me.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
I Ho Chuan
Sifu Brinker has started the process of building next year's I Ho Chuan team. I remember how I felt at this time last year and it was a good feeling. Not really knowing 100% what you're getting into but a lot of excitement nonetheless.
I can say without exaggeration that joining SRKF was the single best decision I've ever made; joining the Horse Team last year was a close second. My year so far has been successful. There are a ton of things that I need to improve but I have come a long way. Objectively, I'm doing terribly, but I'm still happy with what I've accomplished so far and with the changes that I've made in my life.
One of the misconceptions that I had about the I Ho Chuan is that I thought it would be a hardship to get through and nothing could be further from the truth. The I Ho Chuan teaches you how to create more time in your life by getting rid of wasted time. I don't think I could ever go back now. At this point I feel like this is just something I do now. I'm not sure why I would ever not be on the team, especially since I have so much I can do better. With the excitement of the upcoming year I have to make sure I don't look ahead and ensure that I stay focused on what I'm doing right now.
I can say without exaggeration that joining SRKF was the single best decision I've ever made; joining the Horse Team last year was a close second. My year so far has been successful. There are a ton of things that I need to improve but I have come a long way. Objectively, I'm doing terribly, but I'm still happy with what I've accomplished so far and with the changes that I've made in my life.
One of the misconceptions that I had about the I Ho Chuan is that I thought it would be a hardship to get through and nothing could be further from the truth. The I Ho Chuan teaches you how to create more time in your life by getting rid of wasted time. I don't think I could ever go back now. At this point I feel like this is just something I do now. I'm not sure why I would ever not be on the team, especially since I have so much I can do better. With the excitement of the upcoming year I have to make sure I don't look ahead and ensure that I stay focused on what I'm doing right now.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
5 Keys to Success
After reflecting on the things that I've been doing well and not so well, as well as considering some of the recent blog comments that I've received, I've noticed a pattern and I've come up with 5 things that lead to success for me with my Kung Fu. This post is intended to act as a road map of sorts for when I need to find my way out of a slump.
1) Acts of Kindness: When I perform AOK it completely transforms my mindset. The kinder I am to others, the kinder I am to myself and I am more open to doing the things that are important, like eating well, training, etc. It's a perpetual thing because kindness begets more kindness. AOKs are a good indicator (at least for me) of my overall engagement.
2) Diet: This is pretty simple. When I eat well, my body and mind respond accordingly. I don't think it's possible to sustain a high level of performance over time without a good diet. For me a good diet means I'm eating less processed foods, more vegetables, and drinking lots of water.
3) Stretching: I started including stretching with my I Ho Chuan requirements a couple of months ago and it's really paid off. My flexibility has obviously improved and my body feels so much different. High kicks and low stances require flexibility and you can't beat the way a good stretching session makes you feel. I totally get the appeal of yoga now.
4) Getting An Early Start: The times that I am the most successful are the times that I am able to get in some reps first thing in the morning. The rest of the day is so much easier when you know that you have already completed 50 situps. Leaving it until the end of the day is a recipe for failure. I know that because that is still how I do it most of the time. There have been days that I get all my reps done before noon and those are inevitably the days that my numbers are super high and somehow I also have time to do other things as well.
5) Journaling: If I look back at the times where I was in a really good place and highly engaged, I see that I more than met the minimum requirement for journaling. Conversely, there have been months where I barely met the minimum and those were months that I wasn't doing so well. This is not a coincidence. Journaling, for me, serves two purposes. It helps me organize my thoughts and also solicit advice from my teammates. More importantly, it documents my journey, and this allows me to go back and learn from my own failures and successes. Sifu Brinker talks to us constantly about journaling but I have never needed to be convinced. I have always understood the value in it.
I find that if I do all the things above, everything else falls into place. These things create a framework for me, physically and mentally, that I can build on each day. I'll be the first to admit that even with this framework, things are seldom easy. But hopefully writing this down will be one more tool that I can use when things get tough.
1) Acts of Kindness: When I perform AOK it completely transforms my mindset. The kinder I am to others, the kinder I am to myself and I am more open to doing the things that are important, like eating well, training, etc. It's a perpetual thing because kindness begets more kindness. AOKs are a good indicator (at least for me) of my overall engagement.
2) Diet: This is pretty simple. When I eat well, my body and mind respond accordingly. I don't think it's possible to sustain a high level of performance over time without a good diet. For me a good diet means I'm eating less processed foods, more vegetables, and drinking lots of water.
3) Stretching: I started including stretching with my I Ho Chuan requirements a couple of months ago and it's really paid off. My flexibility has obviously improved and my body feels so much different. High kicks and low stances require flexibility and you can't beat the way a good stretching session makes you feel. I totally get the appeal of yoga now.
4) Getting An Early Start: The times that I am the most successful are the times that I am able to get in some reps first thing in the morning. The rest of the day is so much easier when you know that you have already completed 50 situps. Leaving it until the end of the day is a recipe for failure. I know that because that is still how I do it most of the time. There have been days that I get all my reps done before noon and those are inevitably the days that my numbers are super high and somehow I also have time to do other things as well.
5) Journaling: If I look back at the times where I was in a really good place and highly engaged, I see that I more than met the minimum requirement for journaling. Conversely, there have been months where I barely met the minimum and those were months that I wasn't doing so well. This is not a coincidence. Journaling, for me, serves two purposes. It helps me organize my thoughts and also solicit advice from my teammates. More importantly, it documents my journey, and this allows me to go back and learn from my own failures and successes. Sifu Brinker talks to us constantly about journaling but I have never needed to be convinced. I have always understood the value in it.
I find that if I do all the things above, everything else falls into place. These things create a framework for me, physically and mentally, that I can build on each day. I'll be the first to admit that even with this framework, things are seldom easy. But hopefully writing this down will be one more tool that I can use when things get tough.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Diet and an Injury Update
I've come to realize that a proper diet is crucial. I've always paid attention to my nutrition, even if it was poor, and I've always been interested in learning about how food affects the body. I hadn't been eating well over the last month or so and I don't think it's a coincidence that my training and attitude deteriorated along with my diet. I've turned things around a bit over the last couple of days and I already feel a difference. One of my personal requirements was to eat vegetables more regularly and I've only sporadically done so. It's something I need to keep working on as I can see tangible results when I eat well.
I've been seeing a new physiotherapist for a few weeks now and so far so good. In our first session she was already able to improve my range of motion. One of the thing that she told me is that my alignment is all messed up. In my relaxed state, my head tilts left and my shoulders are not square. I have been given a series of stretches and exercises to improve my alignment and improve my range of motion. After those improve we'll work on strength. The interesting thing to me is that it seems obvious that some of the issues I have in kung fu with body alignment are directly related to my injury. It just goes to show how important it is to attend to injuries.
I've been seeing a new physiotherapist for a few weeks now and so far so good. In our first session she was already able to improve my range of motion. One of the thing that she told me is that my alignment is all messed up. In my relaxed state, my head tilts left and my shoulders are not square. I have been given a series of stretches and exercises to improve my alignment and improve my range of motion. After those improve we'll work on strength. The interesting thing to me is that it seems obvious that some of the issues I have in kung fu with body alignment are directly related to my injury. It just goes to show how important it is to attend to injuries.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Frustration
I've been wanting to write a journal entry for a couple of days but I didn't because my mindset was a bit negative and I wanted to wait until I shook it off. Well, that hasn't happened yet and I suppose the negative posts serve a purpose, just the same as the positive ones. I can look back and remember how I felt when I was low and also remember that it didn't last forever. You have to remember where you've come from to appreciate where you are.
So, with all that said - I'm very frustrated right now. Things were going so well for me and now I feel like I've taken several steps back. On a personal level things are not great at the moment and it's affecting every other part of my life. I remember a while back, Sifu Brinker was speaking about people letting their Kung Fu deteriorate because they didn't have time or their life was sapping their motivation. What those people didn't realize is, when your life is chaotic or turning downward, that's when Kung Fu is the most important. I understood what he said back then but I'm sure not practicing that now.
I've been feeling "meh" for a while now but I had temporarily pushed it down. It's creeping back and I don't know how to deal with it. I still struggle with finding meaning in almost everything. I feel like an outsider wherever I go and whatever I'm doing, and it's starting to wear on me. I think I need to make some kind of change in my life but I don't know what. At least not yet.
So, with all that said - I'm very frustrated right now. Things were going so well for me and now I feel like I've taken several steps back. On a personal level things are not great at the moment and it's affecting every other part of my life. I remember a while back, Sifu Brinker was speaking about people letting their Kung Fu deteriorate because they didn't have time or their life was sapping their motivation. What those people didn't realize is, when your life is chaotic or turning downward, that's when Kung Fu is the most important. I understood what he said back then but I'm sure not practicing that now.
I've been feeling "meh" for a while now but I had temporarily pushed it down. It's creeping back and I don't know how to deal with it. I still struggle with finding meaning in almost everything. I feel like an outsider wherever I go and whatever I'm doing, and it's starting to wear on me. I think I need to make some kind of change in my life but I don't know what. At least not yet.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Difficulties
Life has a habit of getting in the way. The last week has
been difficult for me in that I’ve had a hard time fitting my training into my
days. This obviously means that I haven’t done a very good job of taking advantage
of my opportunities. Too much time wasted time on the internet, too much
procrastination, and most of all - laziness has crept into my routine. I feel
like there is a fine line between not beating yourself up for missing a class/training,
and being complacent. I’ve worked hard to get rid of the guilt that I was
feeling previously but now I feel like I have swung too far in the other
direction. I have to find that balance where I take advantage of the times that
I can train but I don’t sweat the times that I don’t.
I’ve often felt that, in the past, I’ve been too accepting
of putting in a mediocre effort. Some people are perfectionists and I used to
view myself (at times) as a “good enough-ist”. I don’t feel that way anymore
but old habits die hard. It seems like every day I’m reminded that training
your mind is way harder than training your body.
Friday, October 17, 2014
I Ho Chaun - Tool or Mountain?
Sifu Brinker has spoken many times about the idea of seeing the I Ho Chuan as a tool and not as a mountain to climb. I've always understood what he meant but I think I'm only just now starting to feel that way myself. Last class I received my green stripe, which was the last one I needed in order to get ready to grade for my yellow belt. The problem was that I didn't really feel like I deserved most of the stripes I have. I haven't always understood exactly what I did to earn a particular stripe. I think this is for two reasons. First, my instructor knows what a white belt skill level should look like, whereas I do not. I need to trust Sifu Playter's judgment. Second, I had a hard time understanding how I could be progressing when I wasn't practicing as much as I thought I should. But participating in the I Ho Chuan has changed the way I train. A lot of my training comes from form reps. I only viewed this as practicing one thing, but in actuality, forms train many aspects of my kung fu, all at once. If I improve my forms, there's a good chance I'm also improving my stances, my center, timing, flow, etc.
I've realized that just working toward getting all my requirements each day has been enough to continue progressing. I know that I am not hitting all my requirements and my consistency needs to improve but that's ok. I will improve as I go on. In the meantime, it's quite clear that the I Ho Chuan has been serving me. I'm been taking stock of where I'm at and I'm quite happy. I don't always feel like it, but I'm a kinder person these days. My attitude behind the wheel has done a complete 180 (maybe closer to 160 actually) and I feel calmer than I ever have before. My body is more flexible and I feel in better shape than I've been in a long time. All of these improvements have carried over into work as well. I have a challenging job right now but I'm having success, in large part to my application of some of the principles that kung fu has taught me.
To clarify - I'm not saying that I'm an expert or that any of this is easy. I'm just saying that I don't feel like this is an ordeal for me. It's something that has already changed the way I do things and I've only scratched the surface.
I've realized that just working toward getting all my requirements each day has been enough to continue progressing. I know that I am not hitting all my requirements and my consistency needs to improve but that's ok. I will improve as I go on. In the meantime, it's quite clear that the I Ho Chuan has been serving me. I'm been taking stock of where I'm at and I'm quite happy. I don't always feel like it, but I'm a kinder person these days. My attitude behind the wheel has done a complete 180 (maybe closer to 160 actually) and I feel calmer than I ever have before. My body is more flexible and I feel in better shape than I've been in a long time. All of these improvements have carried over into work as well. I have a challenging job right now but I'm having success, in large part to my application of some of the principles that kung fu has taught me.
To clarify - I'm not saying that I'm an expert or that any of this is easy. I'm just saying that I don't feel like this is an ordeal for me. It's something that has already changed the way I do things and I've only scratched the surface.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Numbers Update
I thought now would be as good a time as any to revisit my numbers and see where I'm at.
As you can see, I have a long way to go. I looked at my tracking spreadsheet to see if I could see any patterns beyond the obvious (not getting in enough reps) and this is what I found:
My sit-ups have been pretty consistent. Since I really started doing well tracking my numbers in June, there have only been three times where I went more than two days without doing sit-ups, and that includes my summer holidays. I'm actually pretty happy with that.
Kicks and Form reps are another story. There were eight times where I went more than two days without doing forms, including a twenty day stretch. If I ever question why I haven't achieved my yellow belt yet, there's the answer. Kicks were almost as bad. What this comes down to is that I am missing an opportunity to build a foundation with the basics. I have not been consistent enough.
My KM could be higher but I haven't been counting anything other than a specific effort to run/walk/bike, etc. I haven't counted any day to day walking around. I've been told that it's ok to do so but it doesn't feel right to me. Maybe I'm wrong. Either way, running hasn't been a priority. I tried to start but I hate it and I didn't make it a priority.
Pushups will improve after my shoulders are better. I have a new physiotherapist that I'm seeing so hopefully it's all uphill from here. I have more good days than I had before but I still have a lot of healing to do.
My two big takeaways from this analysis are:
1) Consistency. If I was able to bang out even one form rep and twenty kicks on those days where I did none, I would have much better results. Something is always better than nothing and I have had too many days where I did nothing.
2) Regardless of the fact that I know I could have done better, I'm still pretty impressed when I look at what I've done. When I joined SRKF a year ago, I couldn't do a set of ten sit-ups. Now I can do a set of 50 and I've done 11,000 in the last seven months. I definitely appreciate how far I've come.
| Completed | Remaining | |
| Push Ups | 4345 | 45655 |
| Sit Ups | 11055 | 38945 |
| KM | 34 | 1575 |
| Da Mu Hsing Reps | 334 | 666 |
| Kicks | 9720 | 15280 |
| Acts of Kindness | 165 | 835 |
As you can see, I have a long way to go. I looked at my tracking spreadsheet to see if I could see any patterns beyond the obvious (not getting in enough reps) and this is what I found:
My sit-ups have been pretty consistent. Since I really started doing well tracking my numbers in June, there have only been three times where I went more than two days without doing sit-ups, and that includes my summer holidays. I'm actually pretty happy with that.
Kicks and Form reps are another story. There were eight times where I went more than two days without doing forms, including a twenty day stretch. If I ever question why I haven't achieved my yellow belt yet, there's the answer. Kicks were almost as bad. What this comes down to is that I am missing an opportunity to build a foundation with the basics. I have not been consistent enough.
My KM could be higher but I haven't been counting anything other than a specific effort to run/walk/bike, etc. I haven't counted any day to day walking around. I've been told that it's ok to do so but it doesn't feel right to me. Maybe I'm wrong. Either way, running hasn't been a priority. I tried to start but I hate it and I didn't make it a priority.
Pushups will improve after my shoulders are better. I have a new physiotherapist that I'm seeing so hopefully it's all uphill from here. I have more good days than I had before but I still have a lot of healing to do.
My two big takeaways from this analysis are:
1) Consistency. If I was able to bang out even one form rep and twenty kicks on those days where I did none, I would have much better results. Something is always better than nothing and I have had too many days where I did nothing.
2) Regardless of the fact that I know I could have done better, I'm still pretty impressed when I look at what I've done. When I joined SRKF a year ago, I couldn't do a set of ten sit-ups. Now I can do a set of 50 and I've done 11,000 in the last seven months. I definitely appreciate how far I've come.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Overconfidence
I feel like I've maybe been a bit overconfident lately. Mentally, I've been in a really good place and I've felt like training hasn't been a lot of effort recently. My shoulders have been a bit better and I was pounding out a lot of situps, which when I was starting out, were tough for me to do. The Forms Seminar was a really good day for me and I had a lightbulb go off for me that afternoon.
When we had our team meeting on Saturday Sifu Brinker asked who was having trouble and I didn't put up my hand. I still don't really feel like I'm having trouble but I'm realizing that keeping momentum is not easy. I tried to pump out 1000 Situps and Kicks last weekend but I ran out of gas on Sunday. I was a bit sore as a result and I haven't done much training for a few days. One of the things that I've been getting better at is recognizing slumps right away and trying to stomp them out right away. Keeping up with my journaling and training while working out of town is pretty challenging for me but it's definitely helping to tune my mental game.
When we had our team meeting on Saturday Sifu Brinker asked who was having trouble and I didn't put up my hand. I still don't really feel like I'm having trouble but I'm realizing that keeping momentum is not easy. I tried to pump out 1000 Situps and Kicks last weekend but I ran out of gas on Sunday. I was a bit sore as a result and I haven't done much training for a few days. One of the things that I've been getting better at is recognizing slumps right away and trying to stomp them out right away. Keeping up with my journaling and training while working out of town is pretty challenging for me but it's definitely helping to tune my mental game.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
My Goal
I am setting a goal to get my yellow belt by Christmas. I'm pretty confident that I can achieve it based on some of the recent feedback I've received. I only have my red and green stripe to go and they are both tied to my poor center. Working out of town adds an extra challenge for me but the work that I need to do doesn't have to be done in a large space. Adaptability will be key for me since I will have limited opportunities to be in class or open training.
When I was in class last week I was surprised to find myself motivated and not discouraged by everyone that had progressed. Being in class was energizing for me and I really felt like I had kept up, even though it had been some time since I had been in class. Apparently the situps, kicks, and form reps paid off. It just goes to show that any progress is important, no matter how small. So, despite the fact that I have fallen behind, I don't feel like I'm that far off. I do, however, feel like it's time for me to kick it up a notch and push myself some more. I'm looking forward to seeing what I can accomplish in a short period of time if I put in the effort.
When I was in class last week I was surprised to find myself motivated and not discouraged by everyone that had progressed. Being in class was energizing for me and I really felt like I had kept up, even though it had been some time since I had been in class. Apparently the situps, kicks, and form reps paid off. It just goes to show that any progress is important, no matter how small. So, despite the fact that I have fallen behind, I don't feel like I'm that far off. I do, however, feel like it's time for me to kick it up a notch and push myself some more. I'm looking forward to seeing what I can accomplish in a short period of time if I put in the effort.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Unintended Consequences
All this kindness is wearing me down. Not in the sense that I'm tired of being kind, but I'm finding that the more effort I put in to be kind, the more I see missed opportunities. Deep down I know I'm on the path to being a better person but a small part of me still can't help but wonder if I was better off before.
I feel like I'm in The Matrix and I just took the red pill. I'm seeing all the ways that people treat each other so poorly (especially myself) and that in itself can be a bit depressing. You let a vehicle in and the driver can't take the time to give you a wave. What could possibly be wrong with so many people that a simple thank you is a ridiculous notion? I feel like I should have taken the blue pill instead and then I would have been content in my ignorance.
I know that's not really true though. Sometimes contentment is a good thing. Contentment can prevent one form getting caught up in the pursuit of material things. But sometimes discontentment can be a good thing too. People that are discontent might be more likely to push themselves to be better and influence those around them in a positive way. The world needs more people to lead by example.
I feel like I'm in The Matrix and I just took the red pill. I'm seeing all the ways that people treat each other so poorly (especially myself) and that in itself can be a bit depressing. You let a vehicle in and the driver can't take the time to give you a wave. What could possibly be wrong with so many people that a simple thank you is a ridiculous notion? I feel like I should have taken the blue pill instead and then I would have been content in my ignorance.
I know that's not really true though. Sometimes contentment is a good thing. Contentment can prevent one form getting caught up in the pursuit of material things. But sometimes discontentment can be a good thing too. People that are discontent might be more likely to push themselves to be better and influence those around them in a positive way. The world needs more people to lead by example.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Sunday Blog Post
Whenever I have a bad day/week/month or whatever, I'm not sure if writing about it is therapeutic or if I'm just giving a voice to negativity. I'm going to hope that it's the former. The last few weeks have been hard for me. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and that I'm not working toward anything. I'm not necessarily talking about kung fu, but just life in general. I wrote previously about how I do well when I'm working toward something and I have something to look forward to. I don't have either right now. I've tried to come up with something but with no success.
I've found myself questioning things a lot lately. What is the point of any of this? I don't mean that in a dark or suicidal way, but just in the sense that I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not unhappy but I'm not particularly happy either. I feel like I'm missing out on something but I don't know what. I suppose most, if not all, people feel like this at times. I'm at the point in my life where I don't really fit in. Most people my age have already started a family or are at least married. I have no desire to have kids and I'm single, yet I'll be 40 next year. I'm past the partying phase of my life but I'm alos not in the same place as all my friends.
I'm sure this feeling will pass but I have to admit that it's been weighing on me lately.
I've found myself questioning things a lot lately. What is the point of any of this? I don't mean that in a dark or suicidal way, but just in the sense that I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not unhappy but I'm not particularly happy either. I feel like I'm missing out on something but I don't know what. I suppose most, if not all, people feel like this at times. I'm at the point in my life where I don't really fit in. Most people my age have already started a family or are at least married. I have no desire to have kids and I'm single, yet I'll be 40 next year. I'm past the partying phase of my life but I'm alos not in the same place as all my friends.
I'm sure this feeling will pass but I have to admit that it's been weighing on me lately.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
A Breakthrough
When I was driving home from work yesterday I was stopped for speeding. It could have been worse than a simple speeding ticket since my insurance pink slip was expired. I have valid insurance but I forgot to replace the pink slip. Thankfully the cop was a nice guy and he let me off with a ticket for not having the proper paperwork and he also reduced my speeding ticket. I learn pretty much everything the hard way.
Fast forward to today at work; I was talking about martial arts movies with a co-worker and we got to talking about Ip Man. I started to think that if Ip Man drove a car, he probably wouldn't speed. In my mind I imagined that he would drive calmly and courteously. On the way home today I was determined to be calm on the drive home, just like Ip Man, and it was actually quite easy. I found that by staying calm, I was able to drive at a reasonable speed without getting upset and, by driving at a reasonable speed, I was able to stay calm. I also found that when my mind wasn't occupied with anger and frustration, I was able to think about other things and so I'm going to try out some audiobooks again and see if I have better results.
The cool thing is that I did it when I had a slow driver in front of me and traffic was reasonably heavy. I'm not so naive to think that it's going to be easy every time but I did it once so I can do it again.
Fast forward to today at work; I was talking about martial arts movies with a co-worker and we got to talking about Ip Man. I started to think that if Ip Man drove a car, he probably wouldn't speed. In my mind I imagined that he would drive calmly and courteously. On the way home today I was determined to be calm on the drive home, just like Ip Man, and it was actually quite easy. I found that by staying calm, I was able to drive at a reasonable speed without getting upset and, by driving at a reasonable speed, I was able to stay calm. I also found that when my mind wasn't occupied with anger and frustration, I was able to think about other things and so I'm going to try out some audiobooks again and see if I have better results.
The cool thing is that I did it when I had a slow driver in front of me and traffic was reasonably heavy. I'm not so naive to think that it's going to be easy every time but I did it once so I can do it again.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Sihing Chervenka's Challenge
On June 25 Sihing Chervenka issued a challenge for us to write a letter of gratitude to someone in our life that has positively affected us. After about two months of procrastinating, I finally got it done.
Writing this letter was a great experience for me. The process of handwriting a letter is much different than typing one out on a computer. I found that in order to make my handwriting as legible as possible I had to slow down and focus on what I was writing. I also had to be thoughtful about choosing my words since I couldn't simply hit the backspace key if I made a mistake. When I wrote the letter I felt like I was "in the moment"; I wasn't thinking about anything but what I was doing.
I feel like I killed two birds with one stone. First off, I thanked a friend for their positive influence on my life. And secondly, I learned a lesson about focus and quality of work. It's funny how so many things in life can teach you how to improve your kung fu and how kung fu always provides lessons on improving your life.
Writing this letter was a great experience for me. The process of handwriting a letter is much different than typing one out on a computer. I found that in order to make my handwriting as legible as possible I had to slow down and focus on what I was writing. I also had to be thoughtful about choosing my words since I couldn't simply hit the backspace key if I made a mistake. When I wrote the letter I felt like I was "in the moment"; I wasn't thinking about anything but what I was doing.
I feel like I killed two birds with one stone. First off, I thanked a friend for their positive influence on my life. And secondly, I learned a lesson about focus and quality of work. It's funny how so many things in life can teach you how to improve your kung fu and how kung fu always provides lessons on improving your life.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Anger Management
I have come to the realization that I have an anger management problem. I've only realized it now because when I think of anger issues, I think of people punching holes in walls, yelling at others, or other extreme manifestations of anger, and that's not what I am experiencing. For me, it's more subtle. I feel like I'm letting my anger creep in and influence my behavior and decision making. Lately I've been making decisions in haste, acting emotionally, and I am still having a lot of trouble keeping my emotions in check while driving. I've been trying to keep track of the circumstances when I'm at my worst and there are usually three common themes.
First, when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere, I tend to get angry because I perceive people as being "in my way". Second, I have a feeling of not being in control. I can't control the other drivers and get them out of my way or make them drive faster. So when I combine the two, I have a situation where I'm in a hurry and everyone is in my way and there is nothing I can do about it. The last part of the equation is that, to me, driving anywhere is a complete waste of time. I can't utilize that time to do anything constructive. I've tried audiobooks and I have a hard time comprehending what's being played because I'm focused on the road. If there was a way to do something with that time (which is usually about 90 min every day minimum), maybe it would help.
To be honest, I don't know what the solution is. My current approach is to just try to be aware of when I'm angry so that I can try to stop. I'm thinking if I practice doing that, eventually it will become habit and things will improve.
First, when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere, I tend to get angry because I perceive people as being "in my way". Second, I have a feeling of not being in control. I can't control the other drivers and get them out of my way or make them drive faster. So when I combine the two, I have a situation where I'm in a hurry and everyone is in my way and there is nothing I can do about it. The last part of the equation is that, to me, driving anywhere is a complete waste of time. I can't utilize that time to do anything constructive. I've tried audiobooks and I have a hard time comprehending what's being played because I'm focused on the road. If there was a way to do something with that time (which is usually about 90 min every day minimum), maybe it would help.
To be honest, I don't know what the solution is. My current approach is to just try to be aware of when I'm angry so that I can try to stop. I'm thinking if I practice doing that, eventually it will become habit and things will improve.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Change
I feel like I have learned something about myself. In order
to get the best out of myself, I need to have something to look forward to.
Before I went on holidays I was working toward looking and feeling my best; I
wanted to “peak” right before I went away. My diet was good, my training was good, and my
engagement was high. I experienced a couple of new things during that time.
First, I turned away chocolate. There was a day that I went
to the store with the intention of buying a nice big slurpee and a big bag of
chocolate (this was on a day off from my diet). Instead, I bought a small
slurpee and a single chocolate bar. When I got home I found that I couldn’t
even finish the slurpee or the chocolate bar. I was satisfied with the small amount
that I had consumed. This was a first for me. I am normally like an animal when
it comes to chocolate. I lack the ability to know when enough is enough. I have
eaten whole bags of cookies in one sitting and I have had chocolate bars for
dinner on more than once occasion. Hopefully this illustrates what a
breakthrough this was for me.
Second, I maintained my discipline right up until the day I
left. In the past I have always started strong but then limped across the
finish line. I attribute this to a lack of discipline and not creating a
sustainable training program. Sifu Brinker has talked about black belt
candidates giving up everything in the six months prior to grading in order to get
where they need to be, which is not sustainable. This was always my approach,
and it never worked. I now feel like I have the tools to ensure that I will
never limp across the finish line again. The trick will be to get better and
better at using those tools.
With all this being said, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point
out that, despite all the effort I put in before holidays, things have been
lacking for me since I got back. I haven’t been as engaged and I haven’t put in
as much time training. This is something that I will have to work on going
forward but I already feel like I’m back in a better frame of mind and the
nausea and dizziness that was bothering me is gone now (I think that I had
water in my ear and then I flew home). It’s exciting for me to see some
significant changes in myself and I hope that there is much more to come.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Post Vacation Update
The last time I went on vacation I ended up in a funk that lasted a couple of months. I was determined not to let that happen again. I had a plan to do some reps while I was away and I had a lot of momentum when I left too, so I was pretty confident.
My vacation itself was amazing. My friends have a cottage near Parry Sound, ON and it's a great place. It's right on the water and they have a sauna building right off the dock so you can soak in the sauna and then jump right in the lake. The weather wasn't great but the nights were clear so I was able to look up at the stars and I felt very connected to the earth while I was there.
On the flight home I started to feel sick - light-headed and kind of nauseous. I didn't feel any better yesterday; I did some reps but situps made me dizzy. I took some Gravol to control the nausea and it knocked me out for the night. I didn't get anything else done. Today I feel better but situps and any kind of movement still makes me dizzy. I'm hoping to feel better soon as I'm chomping at the bit to keep going but I can feel my motivation slipping a bit from time to time. Coming to class tonight should help, although I'm not sure yet if I will participate. Either way, I still feel like I'm in a good frame of mind and that's the most important part.
My vacation itself was amazing. My friends have a cottage near Parry Sound, ON and it's a great place. It's right on the water and they have a sauna building right off the dock so you can soak in the sauna and then jump right in the lake. The weather wasn't great but the nights were clear so I was able to look up at the stars and I felt very connected to the earth while I was there.
On the flight home I started to feel sick - light-headed and kind of nauseous. I didn't feel any better yesterday; I did some reps but situps made me dizzy. I took some Gravol to control the nausea and it knocked me out for the night. I didn't get anything else done. Today I feel better but situps and any kind of movement still makes me dizzy. I'm hoping to feel better soon as I'm chomping at the bit to keep going but I can feel my motivation slipping a bit from time to time. Coming to class tonight should help, although I'm not sure yet if I will participate. Either way, I still feel like I'm in a good frame of mind and that's the most important part.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Injuries
My left shoulder has been bothering me more and more lately so I went to the doctor this week to have it checked out. After doing some strength and mobility tests, the doctor concluded that I most likely have a tear in my left rotator cuff to go along with the two tears I have in my right shoulder. I need to have another MRI to confirm this but I am hopeful that this tear isn't as bad as my other ones and I may be able to get by with physiotherapy for my left shoulder.
After leaving the doctor's office, I started thinking about the cause of my injuries. My right shoulder injury was caused (or exacerbated by) a fall on the ice, but I think weight training for many years with incorrect form is the underlying culprit.
When you're not lifting correctly, you put undue strain on other muscle groups that are forced to compensate and you put extra stress on tendons and ligaments. This made me think of the parallel in my kung fu training. I have the benefit of having my technique corrected by instructors and I can see the benefit of learning the proper form at the beginning so that I have a strong base for my technique. As a beginner and as someone that experiences frustration from learning slowly, this is a good lesson for me to keep in the back of my mind. If I had taken a patient and more systematic approach to my weight training, I likely wouldn't have developed the bad habits that I did, and I might not have two injured shoulders to show for it.
I'm not happy about having two bad shoulders but eventually I'll get them fixed, and if I can take something positive from the experience, then I guess it's not entirely bad.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Acts of Kindness
I'm having a hard time continually being kind to others. The last couple of months have helped me to be a bit more aware of opportunities to be kind but at times I feel like I'm getting tired of it. In the same way that eating very well for a long period of time makes me really crave junk food, now I find myself pushing back against the idea of being kind. I know that makes me sound like a terrible person, but that's honestly how I feel. Maybe I am a terrible person that just does good things occasionally.
I probably shouldn't admit this but when I prevent another driver from getting into my lane, it makes me feel good. I've often said that traffic shows the worst part of humanity and Alberta drivers are particularly bad and I think that maybe I feed off of that negativity. I do feel like I've made strides to improve recently. It's been a while since I lost my temper but I can feel things starting to regress a bit. I've been using more hand gestures toward the other drivers and I'm having a hard time feeling calm behind the wheel. This has, in turn, affected my attitude even after I get out of my vehicle.
I'm thinking about creating a log book of sorts that will track where I'm headed and when I'm driving so that maybe I can identify a pattern and possibly mitigate the circumstances that cause me to get upset. I know that this is only part of the equation and that self-control is the other part. In the meantime I guess I will continue to try to be part of the solution, instead of the problem.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Numbers Update
We are almost halfway through the I Ho Chuan year so I thought I'd look at my numbers and see where I'm at:
If you look at the numbers, it's obvious that I'm way behind and it doesn't look like I'm in a very good place. But if I analyze the numbers a little bit, it reveals a different story.
I'm splitting my numbers up into two phases: "Prior to June 23", and "June 23 and Onward". June 23 was the day that some of us started posting our numbers publicly on the UBBT Google Group.
This is the breakdown:
A couple of things to note - my shoulder injury has prevented me from doing pushups on a regular basis. Also, I clearly need to focus more on my KM.
My takeaway from this is that the benefit of training publicly can't be overstated. As soon as I started posting my numbers daily and creating that accountability, my numbers starting shooting up. I feel like things are starting to click for me. Two important concepts of the I Ho Chuan: Incremental Progress and Training Publicly now make sense to me and I am reaping the benefits of both. I obviously have a long way to go but I feel like I have a system that is working for me. All it's going to take is continued effort and some tweaking here and there. Thanks to everyone that continues to help me by posting their numbers daily.
| Completed | Remaining | |
| Push Ups | 4345 | 45655 |
| Sit Ups | 4945 | 45055 |
| KM | 34 | 1575 |
| Da Mu Hsing Reps | 264 | 736 |
| Kicks | 7330 | 17670 |
| Acts of Kindness | 82 | 918 |
If you look at the numbers, it's obvious that I'm way behind and it doesn't look like I'm in a very good place. But if I analyze the numbers a little bit, it reveals a different story.
I'm splitting my numbers up into two phases: "Prior to June 23", and "June 23 and Onward". June 23 was the day that some of us started posting our numbers publicly on the UBBT Google Group.
This is the breakdown:
| Prior to June 23 | 142 days | Avg/ Day |
| Push Ups | 4240 | |
| Sit Ups | 2470 | 17.4 |
| KM | 34 | |
| Da Mu Hsing Reps | 183 | 1.3 |
| Kicks | 4700 | 33.1 |
| Acts of Kindness | 28 | 0.2 |
| June 23 onward | 36 days | Avg/ Day |
| Push Ups | 105 | |
| Sit Ups | 2475 | 68.8 |
| KM | 0 | |
| Da Mu Hsing Reps | 81 | 2.3 |
| Kicks | 2630 | 73.1 |
| Acts of Kindness | 54 | 1.5 |
A couple of things to note - my shoulder injury has prevented me from doing pushups on a regular basis. Also, I clearly need to focus more on my KM.
My takeaway from this is that the benefit of training publicly can't be overstated. As soon as I started posting my numbers daily and creating that accountability, my numbers starting shooting up. I feel like things are starting to click for me. Two important concepts of the I Ho Chuan: Incremental Progress and Training Publicly now make sense to me and I am reaping the benefits of both. I obviously have a long way to go but I feel like I have a system that is working for me. All it's going to take is continued effort and some tweaking here and there. Thanks to everyone that continues to help me by posting their numbers daily.
Monday, July 28, 2014
The Weekend
The weekend was a good one.
I wasn't feeling well on Friday night so I watched from the sidelines while the team worked on Lion Dancing. One of the thoughts I had while watching was how funny it was that I was watching a group of grown adults dance around in lion costumes on a Friday night. Watching the team lion dance really gives you a sense of the teamwork that I feel we have. I know that there are other, more experienced, team members that feel our team is falling short, which we may well be, but the team that was present on Friday night was engaged and having fun together and it was inspiring to watch.
Saturday was Boot Camp. Between my shoulder injury and the onset of illness later in the day, I didn't participate 100%, but I had an amazing day nonetheless. We started off with a walk and I never realized how hard it is to quiet your mind. As we walked around the school grounds I found that my mind would wander every time I brought it back to focus on my breathing. It was cool how relaxed everyone was after the walk and even Sifu Brinker's normally loud voice was lower and more calm.
The fitness class put on by Sifu Lindstrom was tough and I wasn't able to do everything because of my shoulder but as of today I'm still having problems walking, so I obviously did a good job pushing myself. I already knew it, but it reinforced the fact that I'm not fit enough.
The seminar taught my Sifu Hayes taught us some moves with the cane. I felt like I picked it up reasonably quick, at least compared to how slowly I learn other things. Maybe weapons are something I will be good at.
I didn't attend any other seminars due to illness and I ended up going home early. Regardless, I learned a lot and had a lot of fun. It was great to train with such a mixed group of people and it was nice to see some Sifus in a more relaxed setting. I'm already looking forward to next year.
I wasn't feeling well on Friday night so I watched from the sidelines while the team worked on Lion Dancing. One of the thoughts I had while watching was how funny it was that I was watching a group of grown adults dance around in lion costumes on a Friday night. Watching the team lion dance really gives you a sense of the teamwork that I feel we have. I know that there are other, more experienced, team members that feel our team is falling short, which we may well be, but the team that was present on Friday night was engaged and having fun together and it was inspiring to watch.
Saturday was Boot Camp. Between my shoulder injury and the onset of illness later in the day, I didn't participate 100%, but I had an amazing day nonetheless. We started off with a walk and I never realized how hard it is to quiet your mind. As we walked around the school grounds I found that my mind would wander every time I brought it back to focus on my breathing. It was cool how relaxed everyone was after the walk and even Sifu Brinker's normally loud voice was lower and more calm.
The fitness class put on by Sifu Lindstrom was tough and I wasn't able to do everything because of my shoulder but as of today I'm still having problems walking, so I obviously did a good job pushing myself. I already knew it, but it reinforced the fact that I'm not fit enough.
The seminar taught my Sifu Hayes taught us some moves with the cane. I felt like I picked it up reasonably quick, at least compared to how slowly I learn other things. Maybe weapons are something I will be good at.
I didn't attend any other seminars due to illness and I ended up going home early. Regardless, I learned a lot and had a lot of fun. It was great to train with such a mixed group of people and it was nice to see some Sifus in a more relaxed setting. I'm already looking forward to next year.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Effortless effort
My goal today was to complete all my training/requirements without actually setting aside any time to do so. I wanted to go about my day as usual and just fit my training in wherever I could. Having been at the I Ho Chuan for over six months now, it's sad for me to say that today was the first time that I have actually tried this.
I discovered two things with this approach:
1) Mentally, it's a lot easier to train this way. I never really felt like I was actually training. Doing 20 kicks here and 30 situps there never really made me feel burdened. Also, I don't have to adjust my lifestyle as much as I thought to get in all my requirements. Fitting them in here and there lets you make use of time that would have otherwise been wasted and they're not a hindrance to the rest of my daily activities.
2) I waste a lot of time.
One thing I should add is that, being a Sunday, I had a whole day off to complete my requirements and I didn't have a whole lot going on to begin with. Doing this on a weekday would be different as I would have 8 or more hours at work and I'm a lot more limited with what I can do at work versus what I can do at home. Still, the principle is the same.
To a lot of you, this is probably old news, especially if you've been in the I Ho Chuan before. But I'm really happy with the way that today went for me. My numbers were good and hopefully I can build on this to work on changing my habits so that this type of day is the rule and not the exception.
I discovered two things with this approach:
1) Mentally, it's a lot easier to train this way. I never really felt like I was actually training. Doing 20 kicks here and 30 situps there never really made me feel burdened. Also, I don't have to adjust my lifestyle as much as I thought to get in all my requirements. Fitting them in here and there lets you make use of time that would have otherwise been wasted and they're not a hindrance to the rest of my daily activities.
2) I waste a lot of time.
One thing I should add is that, being a Sunday, I had a whole day off to complete my requirements and I didn't have a whole lot going on to begin with. Doing this on a weekday would be different as I would have 8 or more hours at work and I'm a lot more limited with what I can do at work versus what I can do at home. Still, the principle is the same.
To a lot of you, this is probably old news, especially if you've been in the I Ho Chuan before. But I'm really happy with the way that today went for me. My numbers were good and hopefully I can build on this to work on changing my habits so that this type of day is the rule and not the exception.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Strength vs. Bulk
In tonight's class Sifu Brinker was talking briefly about strength vs. bulk as it relates to our bodies and our training. We want to train for strength, not bulk. We want to be strong but we don't want to add additional bulk. This is something that I have pondered a lot ever since I started at SRKF. I have trained with weights for many years and my goal has always been size and strength. I am not a big person naturally and I am proud of all the work that I have put in at the gym over the years. But over the last year it has become apparent that I would have to change the way I train if I want to excel in kung fu.
I have already made changes to my workouts, some of them as a result of my shoulder injury, but others were a result of not wanting to be crippled by muscle soreness for the days following a heavy leg workout. The problem I have now is that I have changed my routines but my DOMS (delaed onset muscle soreness) still affect my kung fu. Tonight was a great example. My legs were sore and tired from yesterday and we had a pretty leg-intensive class; lots of horse stance and jumping. I had a pretty tough time with it.
I am not ready to give up weight training and I am not sure if I can maintain the muscle mass I have now if I train lighter. I don't feel big and bulky and I am happy with the size I am now; I don;t want to get any bigger or smaller. I will continue to try and alter my workouts to try and minimize the impact they have on my kung fu. I'm really hoping I don't have to choose between the two.
I have already made changes to my workouts, some of them as a result of my shoulder injury, but others were a result of not wanting to be crippled by muscle soreness for the days following a heavy leg workout. The problem I have now is that I have changed my routines but my DOMS (delaed onset muscle soreness) still affect my kung fu. Tonight was a great example. My legs were sore and tired from yesterday and we had a pretty leg-intensive class; lots of horse stance and jumping. I had a pretty tough time with it.
I am not ready to give up weight training and I am not sure if I can maintain the muscle mass I have now if I train lighter. I don't feel big and bulky and I am happy with the size I am now; I don;t want to get any bigger or smaller. I will continue to try and alter my workouts to try and minimize the impact they have on my kung fu. I'm really hoping I don't have to choose between the two.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Tonight's Class
I had a really good class tonight so I thought I'd write about it while it's still fresh in my mind. This is something that I wasn't doing before so when I'd think back, I'd think that I didn't have any positive experiences.
What made tonight a good class wasn't that I did well. I struggled through parts of it, although there were a few things that I wasn't too bad at. What made the class good was my attitude. I asked for help and I tried to slow things down so I could concentrate on correct form. This is not easy to do when the heavy bags come out. Especially for a guy. All you want to do is hit it hard. But I resisted and I did feel like I made a bit of progress. Sifu Brinker also had some great things to say that really made sense to me, even if executing correctly is still quite challenging.
It was also nice to have Sihing Chervenka pull me aside and let me know that I've been doing well. It's nice to have your hard work noticed and it confirms that I'm on the right track. The bottom line for me is that the quality of my experience in class has only changed because of my attitude. I'm not suddenly a more skilled student. I'm the same as I was before. And I'm happy to have some positive journal entries to look back on instead of just the bad ones.
What made tonight a good class wasn't that I did well. I struggled through parts of it, although there were a few things that I wasn't too bad at. What made the class good was my attitude. I asked for help and I tried to slow things down so I could concentrate on correct form. This is not easy to do when the heavy bags come out. Especially for a guy. All you want to do is hit it hard. But I resisted and I did feel like I made a bit of progress. Sifu Brinker also had some great things to say that really made sense to me, even if executing correctly is still quite challenging.
It was also nice to have Sihing Chervenka pull me aside and let me know that I've been doing well. It's nice to have your hard work noticed and it confirms that I'm on the right track. The bottom line for me is that the quality of my experience in class has only changed because of my attitude. I'm not suddenly a more skilled student. I'm the same as I was before. And I'm happy to have some positive journal entries to look back on instead of just the bad ones.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Revelation
I think I have finally realized why Kung Fu has been such a struggle for me. I was practicing combinations this morning and I was able to look at some of my punches in the mirror and what I noticed is that my whole body is turning. My punch is straight but my hips are pointed to the left.
Little things like this plague me at every turn but what I never thought about before now is that I am literally having to retrain my entire body. My center, my posture, my balance; almost everything I do needs to be retrained. This is not a quick or easy process. It's not easy to break 39 years of habits.
I guess the first step to correcting a problem is identifying the problem in the first place. That's the easy part. But at least I can try to stop beating my self up for not progressing. It's not that I'm a slow learner, it's that I'm an older student that has more years of bad habits to break and the only way I'm going to do that is consistent practice and a positive attitude.
Little things like this plague me at every turn but what I never thought about before now is that I am literally having to retrain my entire body. My center, my posture, my balance; almost everything I do needs to be retrained. This is not a quick or easy process. It's not easy to break 39 years of habits.
I guess the first step to correcting a problem is identifying the problem in the first place. That's the easy part. But at least I can try to stop beating my self up for not progressing. It's not that I'm a slow learner, it's that I'm an older student that has more years of bad habits to break and the only way I'm going to do that is consistent practice and a positive attitude.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Learning the Hard Way
I learned a valuable lesson last night when I got my form stripe.
I had previously been very hard on myself for not progressing. I kept focusing on the fact that I was not making progress alongside my classmates. In reality I shouldn't have expected to keep up when I had missed so much class. My classmates were able to do their forms and receive constant corrections and feedback. Because I wasn't in class, I was doing all my work at home and, without correction, I had developed some bad habits. Once I returned to class, Sifu Player corrected me and I tried to apply those corrections. A few weeks later and the effort has paid off.
It's a constant struggle for me to give myself credit. I only see where I need to improve. Many people have been telling me this over the last few weeks. If you've tracked me down to speak with me or if you've commented on my blog, I was hearing you, but I guess I wasn't really listening. I'm very stubborn by nature and I learn EVERYTHING the hard way.
Hopefully this journal entry will act as a reminder the next time I start getting down on myself.
I had previously been very hard on myself for not progressing. I kept focusing on the fact that I was not making progress alongside my classmates. In reality I shouldn't have expected to keep up when I had missed so much class. My classmates were able to do their forms and receive constant corrections and feedback. Because I wasn't in class, I was doing all my work at home and, without correction, I had developed some bad habits. Once I returned to class, Sifu Player corrected me and I tried to apply those corrections. A few weeks later and the effort has paid off.
It's a constant struggle for me to give myself credit. I only see where I need to improve. Many people have been telling me this over the last few weeks. If you've tracked me down to speak with me or if you've commented on my blog, I was hearing you, but I guess I wasn't really listening. I'm very stubborn by nature and I learn EVERYTHING the hard way.
Hopefully this journal entry will act as a reminder the next time I start getting down on myself.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Acts of Kindness
I had been trying to think of something positive to post about instead of the negativity of some of my recent posts. The only thing I could think of is that I've been enjoying the way we've been posting our numbers publicly over the last week or so. I have been more focused on getting in my acts of kindness and I've noticed that I am subconsciously looking for ways to be kind. When I'm in my car, I catch myself thinking about letting other vehicles in front of me, and this morning, when I was at the sink at work, I almost washed out a bunch of cups that weren't mine. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I normally wouldn't even think about it; I would just walk away. Maybe next time I'll actually wash them.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Thursday Thoughts
The last couple of days have been a mixed bag. On one hand, the daily numbers we've been posting have been motivating and it's fun seeing others join in. On the other hand, I'm still find it frustrating being in class. Yesterday we practiced kicks on the heavy bag while holding a medicine ball over our heads and my shoulder is killing me today. I shouldn't have taken part in that but it's even more frustrating seeing everyone with their stripes when I've been missing out, so I don't want to miss out on anything else.
I'm not sure how to stop comparing myself to everyone else. Life is all about competition. You compete for jobs, you compete in sports, you compete in school, and as a child you even compete for the attention of your parents. How do you just turn that off? And how do you know when it's time to walk away? No matter how hard I try, I'm never going to be a pro hockey player. No amount of practice is going to get me there. I know that and I focus on other things. How do I know I'm not cut out for kung fu?
If you extrapolate my current progress out, I estimate it will take me over ten years to get a black belt and if you would have told me that going in, I never would have signed up in the first place. A yellow belt seems so far away to me; I can't even fathom what it will take to get a black belt. I've decided to give it to the end of the summer and see if I've made any more progress. If not, I think I'm going to call it quits. At that point I'll have been in kung fu for a year and I think that's enough time to make a fair assessment.
I'm not sure how to stop comparing myself to everyone else. Life is all about competition. You compete for jobs, you compete in sports, you compete in school, and as a child you even compete for the attention of your parents. How do you just turn that off? And how do you know when it's time to walk away? No matter how hard I try, I'm never going to be a pro hockey player. No amount of practice is going to get me there. I know that and I focus on other things. How do I know I'm not cut out for kung fu?
If you extrapolate my current progress out, I estimate it will take me over ten years to get a black belt and if you would have told me that going in, I never would have signed up in the first place. A yellow belt seems so far away to me; I can't even fathom what it will take to get a black belt. I've decided to give it to the end of the summer and see if I've made any more progress. If not, I think I'm going to call it quits. At that point I'll have been in kung fu for a year and I think that's enough time to make a fair assessment.
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Diet Update
All of my recent posts have been pretty negative so I’ve
tried really hard to think of something positive to write about. A few posts
back I talked about the importance of diet and how I wanted to do better in
this area. This is something that I have definitely improved on. In the last
few weeks I have made a few small changes and I have been able to stick with
them. I’ve been keeping my fast food consumption to one day per week. My fridge
has been full of fruit (and some vegetables), and I’ve cut my processed sugar
consumption down significantly, mostly in the form of liquid calories like pop
and slurpees.
I’m finding that it’s a lot easier to eat well when it’s
warm and sunny out. As soon as it cools down and the rain starts, I want to go
to Wendy’s and lay around on the couch. It’s also easier to eat fruit and
vegetables in the summer when everything is in season and it’s cheaper and of
better quality. I’m hoping that the habits I develop now will be sustained when
the season changes.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Change
Why is change so difficult? There are so many things that I
want to change about myself but I struggle to make even the most minor ones. Is
it because in order to change, you first need to admit that what you’re currently
doing isn’t working? That’s really what you’re doing when you decide to make a
change – admitting that you were wrong. It’s as if I don’t trust myself to
decide what’s best for me, so when I want to do things differently, I argue
with myself and I dig my heels in. I’m not sure if that made sense at all, but
that’s how I feel. I continually let myself down and take the path of least
resistance.
For example – I didn’t go to class on Monday or last night,
simply because I didn’t want to. There was nothing keeping me from going. Some team
members have spoken about their positive connection to the kwoon. I don’t have
that. For me, it’s a place I go to fail. It’s easier for me to stay away than
it is to go and overcome my feelings of failure. I know that I can change how I
feel if I change my attitude. But knowing I can do something is different than
actually doing it.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Failing Forward
After my last post about failure, Sifu Csillag recommended a book to me called "Failing Forward". I'm about a third of the way through it now and one of the things the author, John C. Maxwell, talks about is the concept of taking action. He says that you can't wait until you feel good to take action; you have to first take action to feel good.
This is one of the things that I'm struggling with right now. Most days I question why I'm trying to learn kung fu, let alone why I joined the I Ho Chuan. The sense of failure I have is much stronger than the feeling of accomplishment. I feel bad more often than I feel good. I accept that that is all on me. The more work I put in, the more progress I'll make and, in turn, the better I'll feel about myself. The funny things is that, before kung fu, I was content with my mediocrity. I wasn't happy all the time, but I was as happy then as I am now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, at this point in time, I don't yet feel like kung fu has provided much value to me. That being said, I'm trying to push forward on blind faith. I'm going to continue to try to take action in hopes that I'll feel better.
This is one of the things that I'm struggling with right now. Most days I question why I'm trying to learn kung fu, let alone why I joined the I Ho Chuan. The sense of failure I have is much stronger than the feeling of accomplishment. I feel bad more often than I feel good. I accept that that is all on me. The more work I put in, the more progress I'll make and, in turn, the better I'll feel about myself. The funny things is that, before kung fu, I was content with my mediocrity. I wasn't happy all the time, but I was as happy then as I am now.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, at this point in time, I don't yet feel like kung fu has provided much value to me. That being said, I'm trying to push forward on blind faith. I'm going to continue to try to take action in hopes that I'll feel better.
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