Mindfulness

When I look at what has gone awry fro me over the last several months, I feel like I can trace things back to one concept - mindfulness, or in my case, the lack thereof. I find it terribly difficult to live in the moment. This has far reaching consequences for me, not just in my abandonment of my training, but in personal relationships also. 

I am lucky to have an amazing and supportive girlfriend but there have been times when I think I have tested our relationship a bit; not wittingly, but as a result of my tendency to always be thinking about what might be or what could be. Anxiety and worrying about the future has sometimes come at the expense of being in the moment with the person I'm with. 

The same anxiety and worry about the future has allowed my lack of training to spiral out of control. You think about your I Ho Chuan commitments and you stop viewing them as a tool, but instead as a mountain to climb. You think about the many years of training ahead of you and instead of taking your journey one step at a time, you wonder if you have what it takes. Living in the moment takes practice but it's clear to me that this is one of the keys to mastery. Being mindful of where I am and what I'm doing will pay dividends in all aspects of my life.

Cory Smid
http://kungfucory.blogspot.ca/

A Spark...

I had a bit of an epiphany the other day. My girlfriend's nine year old daughter, Shae, is enrolled in MMA in Sherwood Park and so I wanted to watch one of her classes. She's only been at it for a couple of weeks but I was really impressed with her. Even when it was obvious she was tired, she kept going. Even when she was having trouble with some of the moves, she didn't quit, and she got better right away. 

After watching her class I realized a couple of things. First, kung fu is important to me. I haven't been to a class in months but I've thought about kung fu almost every day. Secondly, I'm setting a terrible example for her by sitting on the sidelines and letting innumerable opportunities pass me by. 

I've spoken before about being an "all or nothing" type person. If I don't do everything, I do nothing. It's easy to let things get out of control when you live life like that. Once you miss a few days, that turns into weeks, and those weeks turn into months. It gets to the point where you're embarrassed to return to class. Your fitness and skill erode. Your enthusiasm erodes along with it. But all it takes is one small spark to get the fire going again. Shae's enthusiasm provided that spark for me. 

Cory Smid
http://kungfucory.blogspot.ca/

Sunday Reflection

There are times when life seems so complicated and difficult and you wonder how you’re going to be able to juggle everything and do all the things that need doing. Then there are other times when life seems to just slow down and everything seems so simple. 

During the tough times, it’s hard to keep things in perspective. Everything is to the extreme. I don’t know how many times in the past few months I’ve done nothing because I couldn’t do everything. Doing nothing starts a pattern of inaction and it gets easier to continue doing nothing. And there are always reasons to stay on this path. Health problems, working out of town, time management problems; these are all reasons that may be perfectly valid, but, I think it’s important to recognize that no matter what happens, you always have a choice. I know there are times where I’ve felt sorry for myself when I had health issues and I ended up moping around and generally being unproductive. This was a choice. 

I feel like I’m in a much better place, mentally and physically, than I have been in a while. This is partially due to external factors, such as summer finally arriving, my health returning, etc. But the most important factor was just me deciding that I needed to get back to doing the things I was doing before. I may not be able to do everything, but something is always better than nothing. 

When I wrote this journal entry I specifically didn’t make any mention of Kung Fu. The reason is that I think this shows that engagement and attitude apply to all facets of life. I could have just as easily been writing about work or life in general but everything that I have written would still apply. I feel like the catalyst for my change was our Sheep Team meeting on the 9^th. There’s a lesson that Sifu Brinker is always trying to impart, and that’s to just show up and good things will happen. I believe this to be true, even if I forget sometimes.  

I'm Still Alive

I haven’t written a journal entry in quite a while. In fact, I haven’t done much of anything kung fu related in a while. I haven’t been to class and I’ve missed I Ho Chuan meetings. Over the past week I’ve resumed doing some training but I’m not doing it with a lot of enthusiasm. I’m hoping that by just going through the motions I can create some momentum.

Right now I regret joining the Sheep Team. My work schedule was made even more restrictive recently and if I can get to one class every two weeks I’ll be doing really well. And when I am home every other weekend, I don’t want to come to a Friday class; I want to spend that time with my friends or family or girlfriend. That’s the honest truth.  I feel like there isn’t a place in my life for kung fu right now. It’s not that I don’t see the benefits but there are other things that are more important to me and I can’t do both, at least not right now. I don’t anticipate things being like this forever, but for the near future, this is how it is.

I know that the I Ho Chuan program has a no quitting requirement. I don’t know what to say about that. I’ll be honest – I don’t know how to balance my work, personal life, and kung fu. I only have a few days per month to spend time with the people that are most important to me and I don’t know how to fulfill my commitment to the team at the same time.  

I’m not sure what I’m going to do but I thought I should at least write a journal entry and let everyone know that I’m still alive.

A Great Night

The banquet on Sunday night was an incredible experience. I could go on about all the different things that make it such an amazing night but a few highlights for me:

1) Listening to Sifus Becket and Tymchuk talk about what kung fu has meant to them was an emotional experience for me. I don't know either of them all that well yet but so many of the things that they both spoke about resonated with me because I've had similar feelings. It shows me that we all start in the same place and with hard work and discipline, you can achieve great things.

2) The organization and execution of the banquet itself is so cool to observe. You have a whole bunch of people working together to put on an event that is nothing short of inspirational. It's impossible to not be inspired by this group of people when you see the way that everyone pitches in and selflessly donates time and resources to make the night what it is. 

3) I feel incredibly privileged to be a part of SRKF. When I looked around the room yesterday I thought about how we're all on the same path but our journeys are all different. Everyone at SRKF is working to improve their lives and the lives of those around them but we all have our own way of doing it. 

4) The banquet was just the kick in the butt I needed. I've had a lot on the go in my life lately but instead of using kung fu to help me, I've been neglecting it. Course corrected.

Year of the Horse In Review

It's less than two weeks away from the end of the year of the horse. This year has held many ups and downs for me but overall it's impossible to see it as anything other than a resounding success. When I look back at my old blog posts I can follow the progression that I've made and it wasn't a straight line up. For the most part it consisted of two steps forward followed by a step back. These are some of the main things I've learned this past year:

1) Don't Compare Myself with Others - I listed this first because it's the most important to me and also the most difficult for me. My journey is my own and comparing myself to the person beside me serves no constructive purpose. My aim is only to be better each day than I was the day previous. When I really started to focus on doing this, I was able to get out of my own way and I started making real progress.

2) I Can Change - For years I'd always tried to make positive changes in my life and I would, for a little while, but then I'd revert back to my old habits. When you repeatedly let yourself down it becomes a cycle of self-defeat. You put less and less energy into trying to change because deep down you "know" you're going to fail. This year has taught me to take a small positive change and focus on that success to build on. 

3) Winners Keep Score - I have no idea what I did from February to June. I know I did pushups and situps and form reps and even some acts of kindness; but I can't prove it and I can't add those reps onto my total for the year? Why not? I didn't record them.  Initially, I told myself that it didn't matter because I was still completing reps. It took me a few months to admit to myself that what I was doing wasn't working and I realized that I had nothing to show for my effort. I noticed that Sifu Playter always had his notebook in the kwoon and was constantly recording his numbers in it. I decided to forgo spreadsheets and iPhone apps and kick it old school with a small notebook and pen of my own. Once I did this I never looked back. 

4) Being Kind Takes A Lot of Effort - This is the area that I experienced the most ups and downs. I would have a week where I would be really aware of opportunities to be kind and as a result, I would get in a lot of acts of kindness. Then I would follow that up with a week where I was grumpy or upset and I wouldn't look for those opportunities and I would end up with very few kindnesses. I learned that, like anything else, being kind and showing empathy toward others is a learned skill. It takes mindfulness and repetition to become automatic. I have good days and bad days but overall, I'm much better than I was a year ago at taking advantage of opportunities to be kind to others. 

Now that my first year of the I Ho Chuan is almost behind me, I need to focus on improving again this year. In many ways, I feel like the first year will be the easiest. By virtue of never having done this before, there was huge room to make improvement. It will be that much more difficult for me to make the same amount of progress this year. That being said, I have the advantage of knowing what to expect and I also have a lot of skills that I've developed that I only need to continue to hone as opposed to developing them from scratch. That should help me to have another amazing year.

Fitness

I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to my training, I haven't placed enough emphasis on fitness. There are many reasons for this but the biggest one is laziness. The type of training that makes you fitter is not enjoyable for me and there is no instant payoff. Weight training, which is very enjoyable for me, gives you that instant feedback in the form of muscle pump. You feel tired but you also have that pump to let you know that you've done a good job. 

A few weeks back, Sifu Brinker asked everyone if we were in the best shape of our lives, and if not, why not? I thought about it and there was no good reason for me not to be. My 40th birthday is tomorrow but I still feel much younger than that. I don't have any physical limitations that prevent me from being in better shape.


I've decided to set a standard for myself where I will keep at least one belt ahead as far as the fitness test goes. So, if I'm a yellow belt, I will challenge myself to be at an orange belt fitness level. This will be one small step for me and maybe just that little bit will make me feel good enough to take it further. If I take a page from the rest of my training, I know that just by taking action, I will increase my engagement and eventually, motivation will follow.