All of my previous journal entries have been directly related to my kung fu training, which I am not doing anymore. I always tell people that my time training taught me life lessons as much as fighting skills. Some of those lessons have been forgotten; some have stayed with me. I've been fighting a battle with depression for years now, although I didn't really know it at the time. Over the last few months, I've experienced some of the lowest times of my life. Thankfully, I have people that care about me, and they've helped me find a path forward. I've decided to continue my journal as I work to get healthy and move forward with my life.
It's a difficult thing to admit you have a problem or that you need help. It's even more difficult when your thoughts are clouded or skewed toward extreme hopelessness and darkness. You feel like you have no worth and everyone would be much better off without you. You don't feel like there is any hope and therefore no reason to go on living. Some people in this position, unfortunately, don't find their way out. Thankfully, I did, with the support of my wife and family. This journal is one step in my recovery process. It will be a place where I can write about how I am feeling; highs and lows, successes and failures. It will give me something to look back on when I am having a hard time, so I can see my progress.
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" - Laozi
My heart goes out to you and your family as I understand all too well. There are few people it seems who have not been affected by depression in one way or another, whether suffering themselves or watching someone they love struggle. I applaud you for reaching out and honestly posting what is a difficult post. Never believe the lies that you are unworthy and continue to reach out when you need to 😊
ReplyDeleteThanks, Alana. :)
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