The Consequences of Anger

I had a blog post about humility all ready to go but I've decided instead to write about something that I witnessed today. 

While driving to the gym I was stopped at a light and I was second in line behind a car in the right lane. To that car's right was an SUV and he was in the far right lane that was ending shortly past the intersection. The SUV gunned it on green but the car in front of me was giving him no quarter. As the SUV sped up, so did the car. As the far lane ended, the SUV slammed on the brakes and swerved in behind the car. You could tell by the SUV's "body language" that the driver was very angry. As we progressed into the traffic circle, all in the outside lane, the SUV hit the gas hard, and passed the car illegally in the traffic circle and whipped out through the exit. As the SUV exited, he skidded a few times and eventually spun out of control, hitting the median hard and crossing into oncoming traffic. 

It was only luck that prevented a head on collision, as the oncoming vehicles has enough time to slow down and avoid the SUV. I could see that the SUV suffered a good amount of damage but he ended up driving away and I have no idea what happened after that. Thankfully, it didn't appear that the driver was injured. 

When I arrived at the gym, I sat and thought about what I had just seen. As I change my driving habits, I'm becoming more and more aware of when I see angry and aggressive drivers on the road. While I can't say I've done anything exactly like the driver of the SUV, I've done stupid things behind the wheel because of my anger. I'm lucky that I have never been involved in any kind of incident, but it's likely only because of good fortune that I can say that.  

The thought that stuck with me most was the realization that I've made real progress overcoming my anger. While I would have preferred if today's incident had never happened, it did feel good to be an observer instead of a participant. It reinforced why we train to remain calm in all situations. Anger is a natural emotion that everyone experiences but dealing with it in a healthy way is the key.

Mindfulness

When I look at what has gone awry fro me over the last several months, I feel like I can trace things back to one concept - mindfulness, or in my case, the lack thereof. I find it terribly difficult to live in the moment. This has far reaching consequences for me, not just in my abandonment of my training, but in personal relationships also. 

I am lucky to have an amazing and supportive girlfriend but there have been times when I think I have tested our relationship a bit; not wittingly, but as a result of my tendency to always be thinking about what might be or what could be. Anxiety and worrying about the future has sometimes come at the expense of being in the moment with the person I'm with. 

The same anxiety and worry about the future has allowed my lack of training to spiral out of control. You think about your I Ho Chuan commitments and you stop viewing them as a tool, but instead as a mountain to climb. You think about the many years of training ahead of you and instead of taking your journey one step at a time, you wonder if you have what it takes. Living in the moment takes practice but it's clear to me that this is one of the keys to mastery. Being mindful of where I am and what I'm doing will pay dividends in all aspects of my life.

Cory Smid
http://kungfucory.blogspot.ca/

A Spark...

I had a bit of an epiphany the other day. My girlfriend's nine year old daughter, Shae, is enrolled in MMA in Sherwood Park and so I wanted to watch one of her classes. She's only been at it for a couple of weeks but I was really impressed with her. Even when it was obvious she was tired, she kept going. Even when she was having trouble with some of the moves, she didn't quit, and she got better right away. 

After watching her class I realized a couple of things. First, kung fu is important to me. I haven't been to a class in months but I've thought about kung fu almost every day. Secondly, I'm setting a terrible example for her by sitting on the sidelines and letting innumerable opportunities pass me by. 

I've spoken before about being an "all or nothing" type person. If I don't do everything, I do nothing. It's easy to let things get out of control when you live life like that. Once you miss a few days, that turns into weeks, and those weeks turn into months. It gets to the point where you're embarrassed to return to class. Your fitness and skill erode. Your enthusiasm erodes along with it. But all it takes is one small spark to get the fire going again. Shae's enthusiasm provided that spark for me. 

Cory Smid
http://kungfucory.blogspot.ca/

Sunday Reflection

There are times when life seems so complicated and difficult and you wonder how you’re going to be able to juggle everything and do all the things that need doing. Then there are other times when life seems to just slow down and everything seems so simple. 

During the tough times, it’s hard to keep things in perspective. Everything is to the extreme. I don’t know how many times in the past few months I’ve done nothing because I couldn’t do everything. Doing nothing starts a pattern of inaction and it gets easier to continue doing nothing. And there are always reasons to stay on this path. Health problems, working out of town, time management problems; these are all reasons that may be perfectly valid, but, I think it’s important to recognize that no matter what happens, you always have a choice. I know there are times where I’ve felt sorry for myself when I had health issues and I ended up moping around and generally being unproductive. This was a choice. 

I feel like I’m in a much better place, mentally and physically, than I have been in a while. This is partially due to external factors, such as summer finally arriving, my health returning, etc. But the most important factor was just me deciding that I needed to get back to doing the things I was doing before. I may not be able to do everything, but something is always better than nothing. 

When I wrote this journal entry I specifically didn’t make any mention of Kung Fu. The reason is that I think this shows that engagement and attitude apply to all facets of life. I could have just as easily been writing about work or life in general but everything that I have written would still apply. I feel like the catalyst for my change was our Sheep Team meeting on the 9^th. There’s a lesson that Sifu Brinker is always trying to impart, and that’s to just show up and good things will happen. I believe this to be true, even if I forget sometimes.  

I'm Still Alive

I haven’t written a journal entry in quite a while. In fact, I haven’t done much of anything kung fu related in a while. I haven’t been to class and I’ve missed I Ho Chuan meetings. Over the past week I’ve resumed doing some training but I’m not doing it with a lot of enthusiasm. I’m hoping that by just going through the motions I can create some momentum.

Right now I regret joining the Sheep Team. My work schedule was made even more restrictive recently and if I can get to one class every two weeks I’ll be doing really well. And when I am home every other weekend, I don’t want to come to a Friday class; I want to spend that time with my friends or family or girlfriend. That’s the honest truth.  I feel like there isn’t a place in my life for kung fu right now. It’s not that I don’t see the benefits but there are other things that are more important to me and I can’t do both, at least not right now. I don’t anticipate things being like this forever, but for the near future, this is how it is.

I know that the I Ho Chuan program has a no quitting requirement. I don’t know what to say about that. I’ll be honest – I don’t know how to balance my work, personal life, and kung fu. I only have a few days per month to spend time with the people that are most important to me and I don’t know how to fulfill my commitment to the team at the same time.  

I’m not sure what I’m going to do but I thought I should at least write a journal entry and let everyone know that I’m still alive.

A Great Night

The banquet on Sunday night was an incredible experience. I could go on about all the different things that make it such an amazing night but a few highlights for me:

1) Listening to Sifus Becket and Tymchuk talk about what kung fu has meant to them was an emotional experience for me. I don't know either of them all that well yet but so many of the things that they both spoke about resonated with me because I've had similar feelings. It shows me that we all start in the same place and with hard work and discipline, you can achieve great things.

2) The organization and execution of the banquet itself is so cool to observe. You have a whole bunch of people working together to put on an event that is nothing short of inspirational. It's impossible to not be inspired by this group of people when you see the way that everyone pitches in and selflessly donates time and resources to make the night what it is. 

3) I feel incredibly privileged to be a part of SRKF. When I looked around the room yesterday I thought about how we're all on the same path but our journeys are all different. Everyone at SRKF is working to improve their lives and the lives of those around them but we all have our own way of doing it. 

4) The banquet was just the kick in the butt I needed. I've had a lot on the go in my life lately but instead of using kung fu to help me, I've been neglecting it. Course corrected.

Year of the Horse In Review

It's less than two weeks away from the end of the year of the horse. This year has held many ups and downs for me but overall it's impossible to see it as anything other than a resounding success. When I look back at my old blog posts I can follow the progression that I've made and it wasn't a straight line up. For the most part it consisted of two steps forward followed by a step back. These are some of the main things I've learned this past year:

1) Don't Compare Myself with Others - I listed this first because it's the most important to me and also the most difficult for me. My journey is my own and comparing myself to the person beside me serves no constructive purpose. My aim is only to be better each day than I was the day previous. When I really started to focus on doing this, I was able to get out of my own way and I started making real progress.

2) I Can Change - For years I'd always tried to make positive changes in my life and I would, for a little while, but then I'd revert back to my old habits. When you repeatedly let yourself down it becomes a cycle of self-defeat. You put less and less energy into trying to change because deep down you "know" you're going to fail. This year has taught me to take a small positive change and focus on that success to build on. 

3) Winners Keep Score - I have no idea what I did from February to June. I know I did pushups and situps and form reps and even some acts of kindness; but I can't prove it and I can't add those reps onto my total for the year? Why not? I didn't record them.  Initially, I told myself that it didn't matter because I was still completing reps. It took me a few months to admit to myself that what I was doing wasn't working and I realized that I had nothing to show for my effort. I noticed that Sifu Playter always had his notebook in the kwoon and was constantly recording his numbers in it. I decided to forgo spreadsheets and iPhone apps and kick it old school with a small notebook and pen of my own. Once I did this I never looked back. 

4) Being Kind Takes A Lot of Effort - This is the area that I experienced the most ups and downs. I would have a week where I would be really aware of opportunities to be kind and as a result, I would get in a lot of acts of kindness. Then I would follow that up with a week where I was grumpy or upset and I wouldn't look for those opportunities and I would end up with very few kindnesses. I learned that, like anything else, being kind and showing empathy toward others is a learned skill. It takes mindfulness and repetition to become automatic. I have good days and bad days but overall, I'm much better than I was a year ago at taking advantage of opportunities to be kind to others. 

Now that my first year of the I Ho Chuan is almost behind me, I need to focus on improving again this year. In many ways, I feel like the first year will be the easiest. By virtue of never having done this before, there was huge room to make improvement. It will be that much more difficult for me to make the same amount of progress this year. That being said, I have the advantage of knowing what to expect and I also have a lot of skills that I've developed that I only need to continue to hone as opposed to developing them from scratch. That should help me to have another amazing year.

Fitness

I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to my training, I haven't placed enough emphasis on fitness. There are many reasons for this but the biggest one is laziness. The type of training that makes you fitter is not enjoyable for me and there is no instant payoff. Weight training, which is very enjoyable for me, gives you that instant feedback in the form of muscle pump. You feel tired but you also have that pump to let you know that you've done a good job. 

A few weeks back, Sifu Brinker asked everyone if we were in the best shape of our lives, and if not, why not? I thought about it and there was no good reason for me not to be. My 40th birthday is tomorrow but I still feel much younger than that. I don't have any physical limitations that prevent me from being in better shape.


I've decided to set a standard for myself where I will keep at least one belt ahead as far as the fitness test goes. So, if I'm a yellow belt, I will challenge myself to be at an orange belt fitness level. This will be one small step for me and maybe just that little bit will make me feel good enough to take it further. If I take a page from the rest of my training, I know that just by taking action, I will increase my engagement and eventually, motivation will follow.

Gut Check Time

The last few months have been tough for me. As I've found out, my shoulder injuries were not themselves the problem, but a symptom of other underlying issues. I'm not very good at explaining it but suffice it to say that I have issues with my skeletal alignment and, over time, this has caused several problems for me, including the stress on my shoulders, tendonitis on my left side, and severe migraines, the latter of which has severely affected my sleep to the point where there have been a few instances where I didn't sleep for a few days straight and the only relief I got was from drinking half a bottle of Nyquil and essentially knocking myself out. 

I've had limited success with my physiotherapy but the limited part is because my work schedule hadn't allowed me to go to physio even semi-regularly and so I would start from scratch every time. 

This has changed now as my employer is allowing me to stay at home for several weeks to get treated. To be honest, between my shoulder injuries, tendonitis, insomnia, and migraines, I'm tired (no pun intended) of thinking about all of this. I'm also tired of writing about all of this and I'm sure everyone is tired of reading about it. I hate to admit it, but when you never feel 100% physically, it weighs on your self-esteem and motivation. Negativity creeps in. My attendance in class has become even worse, not just from work but because I just didn't want to attend, and my training has suffered too. There's also a bit of guilt from perceiving myself as a bad teammate, which I posted about earlier. My physiotherapist is quite confident that regular treatment for several weeks combined with homework will take care of things. I'm really hoping that's the case. 

I guess these are the kind of situations that build character in a person. I was recently watching an episode of "Chopped" on the Food Network and one of the contestants was very confident, stating that she knew she would win because she had never failed at anything before. I laughed when I heard that, knowing from personal experience that failure is what makes a person stronger. This is something that I need to remember. It doesn't matter if you get knocked down, as long as you get back up again.

Natural Talent

People throw around the term "natural talent" all the time and it often refers to an athlete with extraordinary ability. But does that athlete actually have natural talent? Are people born with certain athletic abilities that give them an advantage over the average person? Traits such as a person's height can play a part but I now believe that what most people refer to as talent is actually the result of hard work. If you want to excel at something you have to practice.

Take any professional athlete and you can trace their success back to 1000's and 1000's of repetitions of whatever they do. Throwing a football, hitting a tennis ball, shooting a puck; it's all the same. This is a comforting thought because I definitely don't have "natural talent". When I started at SRKF, my flexibility was terrible, my balance was worse, and I couldn't do a set of 10 situps. Fast forward 16 months and all of those things have vastly improved. Was it natural talent at work? Nope. It was practice.

 So what does this mean? It means that it doesn't matter if I'm short or old or anything else. If I work hard enough, I will get better and better. The only limitations I have are the ones that I set for myself.

Pondering

I've been thinking a lot lately about my contribution to the team or the lack thereof. I'm starting to wonder if it's unfair of me to continue as a part of the team when I know from the get go that I can't fully participate due to my work schedule. If there weren't a limited number of spots on the team, maybe it wouldn't be an issue since at that point, any contribution would be worthwhile. But there are times when I feel like I'm taking up a spot that could be taken by someone who could attend all classes and practices. I feel like I take more than I give. 

At the end of the day, if everyone on the team could only contribute as much as I have, we'd have no lion dance and no demo. I'm not writing this to garner sympathy or feel sorry for myself; I'm truly trying to figure out the balance of teamwork and selfishness that the pursuit of mastery seems to require.

Changing Things Up

Today I felt like I needed to change things up. I had been feeling like things were lacking for me physically. My diet hasn't been very good over the last three weeks or so and I've been feeling lethargic with my training, as well as with gym workouts.

My past experience at the gym has taught me that breaking out of a rut can usually be done with something as simple as trying new exercises or changing the music on your iPod (for those of us that use technologically superior Apple products). I applied a similar approach today and had good results.

Doing my forms with footwork only really helped me feel my stances. Dropping down into a bow stance really made me aware that my flexibility has improved and my bow stance felt lower and stronger. I was also more aware of how poor footwork messed up my power vector.

When I was doing crunches I tried to slow down and feel them more than usual and I found that it was a lot harder to do them this way. It's easy for me to let quality slip sometimes when I focus on quantity so this was a good reminder for a lesson that I had already learned.

Post Holiday Update

The Christmas break was great for me. I caught up with friends and family and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I also pretty much completely neglected Kung Fu. The great thing is that I don't feel guilty about it but instead I feel refreshed and ready to go. On second thought, maybe it's not correct to say that I neglected Kung Fu because, while it's true that I didn't do much in the way of training, I still continued with acts of kindness. I also pushed myself out of my comfort zone a couple of times over the holidays and kept up with my stretching routine. These things helped me keep a certain level of engagement while getting a break at the same time.