The last few months have been tough for me. As I've found out, my shoulder injuries were not themselves the problem, but a symptom of other underlying issues. I'm not very good at explaining it but suffice it to say that I have issues with my skeletal alignment and, over time, this has caused several problems for me, including the stress on my shoulders, tendonitis on my left side, and severe migraines, the latter of which has severely affected my sleep to the point where there have been a few instances where I didn't sleep for a few days straight and the only relief I got was from drinking half a bottle of Nyquil and essentially knocking myself out.
I've had limited success with my physiotherapy but the limited part is because my work schedule hadn't allowed me to go to physio even semi-regularly and so I would start from scratch every time.
This has changed now as my employer is allowing me to stay at home for several weeks to get treated. To be honest, between my shoulder injuries, tendonitis, insomnia, and migraines, I'm tired (no pun intended) of thinking about all of this. I'm also tired of writing about all of this and I'm sure everyone is tired of reading about it. I hate to admit it, but when you never feel 100% physically, it weighs on your self-esteem and motivation. Negativity creeps in. My attendance in class has become even worse, not just from work but because I just didn't want to attend, and my training has suffered too. There's also a bit of guilt from perceiving myself as a bad teammate, which I posted about earlier. My physiotherapist is quite confident that regular treatment for several weeks combined with homework will take care of things. I'm really hoping that's the case.
I guess these are the kind of situations that build character in a person. I was recently watching an episode of "Chopped" on the Food Network and one of the contestants was very confident, stating that she knew she would win because she had never failed at anything before. I laughed when I heard that, knowing from personal experience that failure is what makes a person stronger. This is something that I need to remember. It doesn't matter if you get knocked down, as long as you get back up again.
I hear you. I feel like I'm always whining about not being able to do something because of an ailment of some sort. It gets pretty depressing and discouraging listening to myself. I'm hoping it'll pass. It definitely does make me back away from training. I get frustrated explaining why I'm not in class or why I'm on the bench. I do know though that if I don't push through and focus on what I have accomplished that I'll regret it later on in life when I realize the opportunity I completely wasted because of my own ego.
ReplyDeleteWe all go through periods of physical disarray. It is impossible to be a true martial artist and not go through long periods of time feeling chronic discomfort and pain. We ask a lot of our bodies and for the most part our bodies serve us well. It is important to differentiate the pain you are feeling from the pain you are causing. Often it is our training that identifies the pain, but does not cause the pain. Tendinitis tends to be a chronic issue that most people over the age of thirty experience but many may not even be aware that they suffer from it. If your body is never pushed to a limit, many ailments can go unnoticed for years.
ReplyDeleteTrain to get in touch with your body. Adjust your methods to promote healing. Test your limits carefully as you heal to differentiate between a legitimate healing ailment and mental coddling. Remind yourself of the future you are building. A sedentary lifestyle is no substitute for the future you can potentially build for yourself.