The concept of humbleness permeates kung fu. We wear black because it's a humble color in China. We bow in and out of the kwoon as part of showing respect and putting ourselves in a humble mindset so that we can accept the instruction that we are given. To be honest, I find it easy to stay humble because I'm so terrible at kung fu. I'm not saying that to beat myself up but it's true nonetheless.
It's inevitable that every time I experience a high period where I feel like I am making progress, it's followed up by a class (or a series of classes) where I struggle and stumble through things like a fool. Tonight was one of those classes. I have so many bad habits to break and my right side is so dominant over my left that I feel overwhelmed with feelings of incompetence. There are so many things to learn and I only have so much time in the day and week to practice. I work on stances and my combinations are no good. I work on kicks and my centering is no good. I work on one form but neglect another. I truly have no idea how to improve. I've asked for and received advice on how to go about my training and I feel like I have a good plan. I only focus on a couple of things at a time and try to concentrate on improving just those things instead of spreading myself too thin.
I'm not saying all this to be negative; I'm just being honest. I also think that part of the problem is that my highs are too high and my lows are too low. I need to change that but I don't know how. One more thing I'm no good at I suppose.
If it makes you feel any better, I've felt exactly the same way...all stumbly and bumbly very recently...tonight actually trying to get my left hand going with my sword at home. I feel ridiculous. But you just have to keep trying.
ReplyDeleteKeep asking questions and get help for others on the team. Learning something new - form, weapon, technique - is hard and intimidating. This is where the group can help you. That is also true with the lows.
ReplyDeleteI totally get it! Except that I've learned that this is going to continue as long as I stay in kung fu since we're always learning new things and our bodies don't exactly like to cooperate. YOU'RE NORMAL! :)
ReplyDeleteOne day though, you'll go to class and realize that the things you used to feel awkward about, you'll suddenly feel comfortable with and you'll feel awkward and clumsy with new things. So, just go at your own pace and don't compare yourself to others, you'll progress in your own way.
I appreciate everyone's feedback. I'll definitely keep plugging away. I think I'm just waiting for that "click" that will let me know that I can do this. Every time I've learned something new (playing guitar, learning how to spin vinyl, etc) there has always been a point where I was having difficulty and then there was a "click" where I understood things and I was technically proficient enough that I knew I was moving forward. I just haven't reached that point with kung fu yet and it's taking longer than I expected. I'm naturally very impatient so it's all part of the process I guess.
ReplyDeleteBe patient, it will all come together in time if you keep practicing.
ReplyDelete