I am setting a goal to get my yellow belt by Christmas. I'm pretty confident that I can achieve it based on some of the recent feedback I've received. I only have my red and green stripe to go and they are both tied to my poor center. Working out of town adds an extra challenge for me but the work that I need to do doesn't have to be done in a large space. Adaptability will be key for me since I will have limited opportunities to be in class or open training.
When I was in class last week I was surprised to find myself motivated and not discouraged by everyone that had progressed. Being in class was energizing for me and I really felt like I had kept up, even though it had been some time since I had been in class. Apparently the situps, kicks, and form reps paid off. It just goes to show that any progress is important, no matter how small. So, despite the fact that I have fallen behind, I don't feel like I'm that far off. I do, however, feel like it's time for me to kick it up a notch and push myself some more. I'm looking forward to seeing what I can accomplish in a short period of time if I put in the effort.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Unintended Consequences
All this kindness is wearing me down. Not in the sense that I'm tired of being kind, but I'm finding that the more effort I put in to be kind, the more I see missed opportunities. Deep down I know I'm on the path to being a better person but a small part of me still can't help but wonder if I was better off before.
I feel like I'm in The Matrix and I just took the red pill. I'm seeing all the ways that people treat each other so poorly (especially myself) and that in itself can be a bit depressing. You let a vehicle in and the driver can't take the time to give you a wave. What could possibly be wrong with so many people that a simple thank you is a ridiculous notion? I feel like I should have taken the blue pill instead and then I would have been content in my ignorance.
I know that's not really true though. Sometimes contentment is a good thing. Contentment can prevent one form getting caught up in the pursuit of material things. But sometimes discontentment can be a good thing too. People that are discontent might be more likely to push themselves to be better and influence those around them in a positive way. The world needs more people to lead by example.
I feel like I'm in The Matrix and I just took the red pill. I'm seeing all the ways that people treat each other so poorly (especially myself) and that in itself can be a bit depressing. You let a vehicle in and the driver can't take the time to give you a wave. What could possibly be wrong with so many people that a simple thank you is a ridiculous notion? I feel like I should have taken the blue pill instead and then I would have been content in my ignorance.
I know that's not really true though. Sometimes contentment is a good thing. Contentment can prevent one form getting caught up in the pursuit of material things. But sometimes discontentment can be a good thing too. People that are discontent might be more likely to push themselves to be better and influence those around them in a positive way. The world needs more people to lead by example.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Sunday Blog Post
Whenever I have a bad day/week/month or whatever, I'm not sure if writing about it is therapeutic or if I'm just giving a voice to negativity. I'm going to hope that it's the former. The last few weeks have been hard for me. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and that I'm not working toward anything. I'm not necessarily talking about kung fu, but just life in general. I wrote previously about how I do well when I'm working toward something and I have something to look forward to. I don't have either right now. I've tried to come up with something but with no success.
I've found myself questioning things a lot lately. What is the point of any of this? I don't mean that in a dark or suicidal way, but just in the sense that I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not unhappy but I'm not particularly happy either. I feel like I'm missing out on something but I don't know what. I suppose most, if not all, people feel like this at times. I'm at the point in my life where I don't really fit in. Most people my age have already started a family or are at least married. I have no desire to have kids and I'm single, yet I'll be 40 next year. I'm past the partying phase of my life but I'm alos not in the same place as all my friends.
I'm sure this feeling will pass but I have to admit that it's been weighing on me lately.
I've found myself questioning things a lot lately. What is the point of any of this? I don't mean that in a dark or suicidal way, but just in the sense that I don't know what to do with myself. I'm not unhappy but I'm not particularly happy either. I feel like I'm missing out on something but I don't know what. I suppose most, if not all, people feel like this at times. I'm at the point in my life where I don't really fit in. Most people my age have already started a family or are at least married. I have no desire to have kids and I'm single, yet I'll be 40 next year. I'm past the partying phase of my life but I'm alos not in the same place as all my friends.
I'm sure this feeling will pass but I have to admit that it's been weighing on me lately.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
A Breakthrough
When I was driving home from work yesterday I was stopped for speeding. It could have been worse than a simple speeding ticket since my insurance pink slip was expired. I have valid insurance but I forgot to replace the pink slip. Thankfully the cop was a nice guy and he let me off with a ticket for not having the proper paperwork and he also reduced my speeding ticket. I learn pretty much everything the hard way.
Fast forward to today at work; I was talking about martial arts movies with a co-worker and we got to talking about Ip Man. I started to think that if Ip Man drove a car, he probably wouldn't speed. In my mind I imagined that he would drive calmly and courteously. On the way home today I was determined to be calm on the drive home, just like Ip Man, and it was actually quite easy. I found that by staying calm, I was able to drive at a reasonable speed without getting upset and, by driving at a reasonable speed, I was able to stay calm. I also found that when my mind wasn't occupied with anger and frustration, I was able to think about other things and so I'm going to try out some audiobooks again and see if I have better results.
The cool thing is that I did it when I had a slow driver in front of me and traffic was reasonably heavy. I'm not so naive to think that it's going to be easy every time but I did it once so I can do it again.
Fast forward to today at work; I was talking about martial arts movies with a co-worker and we got to talking about Ip Man. I started to think that if Ip Man drove a car, he probably wouldn't speed. In my mind I imagined that he would drive calmly and courteously. On the way home today I was determined to be calm on the drive home, just like Ip Man, and it was actually quite easy. I found that by staying calm, I was able to drive at a reasonable speed without getting upset and, by driving at a reasonable speed, I was able to stay calm. I also found that when my mind wasn't occupied with anger and frustration, I was able to think about other things and so I'm going to try out some audiobooks again and see if I have better results.
The cool thing is that I did it when I had a slow driver in front of me and traffic was reasonably heavy. I'm not so naive to think that it's going to be easy every time but I did it once so I can do it again.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Sihing Chervenka's Challenge
On June 25 Sihing Chervenka issued a challenge for us to write a letter of gratitude to someone in our life that has positively affected us. After about two months of procrastinating, I finally got it done.
Writing this letter was a great experience for me. The process of handwriting a letter is much different than typing one out on a computer. I found that in order to make my handwriting as legible as possible I had to slow down and focus on what I was writing. I also had to be thoughtful about choosing my words since I couldn't simply hit the backspace key if I made a mistake. When I wrote the letter I felt like I was "in the moment"; I wasn't thinking about anything but what I was doing.
I feel like I killed two birds with one stone. First off, I thanked a friend for their positive influence on my life. And secondly, I learned a lesson about focus and quality of work. It's funny how so many things in life can teach you how to improve your kung fu and how kung fu always provides lessons on improving your life.
Writing this letter was a great experience for me. The process of handwriting a letter is much different than typing one out on a computer. I found that in order to make my handwriting as legible as possible I had to slow down and focus on what I was writing. I also had to be thoughtful about choosing my words since I couldn't simply hit the backspace key if I made a mistake. When I wrote the letter I felt like I was "in the moment"; I wasn't thinking about anything but what I was doing.
I feel like I killed two birds with one stone. First off, I thanked a friend for their positive influence on my life. And secondly, I learned a lesson about focus and quality of work. It's funny how so many things in life can teach you how to improve your kung fu and how kung fu always provides lessons on improving your life.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Anger Management
I have come to the realization that I have an anger management problem. I've only realized it now because when I think of anger issues, I think of people punching holes in walls, yelling at others, or other extreme manifestations of anger, and that's not what I am experiencing. For me, it's more subtle. I feel like I'm letting my anger creep in and influence my behavior and decision making. Lately I've been making decisions in haste, acting emotionally, and I am still having a lot of trouble keeping my emotions in check while driving. I've been trying to keep track of the circumstances when I'm at my worst and there are usually three common themes.
First, when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere, I tend to get angry because I perceive people as being "in my way". Second, I have a feeling of not being in control. I can't control the other drivers and get them out of my way or make them drive faster. So when I combine the two, I have a situation where I'm in a hurry and everyone is in my way and there is nothing I can do about it. The last part of the equation is that, to me, driving anywhere is a complete waste of time. I can't utilize that time to do anything constructive. I've tried audiobooks and I have a hard time comprehending what's being played because I'm focused on the road. If there was a way to do something with that time (which is usually about 90 min every day minimum), maybe it would help.
To be honest, I don't know what the solution is. My current approach is to just try to be aware of when I'm angry so that I can try to stop. I'm thinking if I practice doing that, eventually it will become habit and things will improve.
First, when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere, I tend to get angry because I perceive people as being "in my way". Second, I have a feeling of not being in control. I can't control the other drivers and get them out of my way or make them drive faster. So when I combine the two, I have a situation where I'm in a hurry and everyone is in my way and there is nothing I can do about it. The last part of the equation is that, to me, driving anywhere is a complete waste of time. I can't utilize that time to do anything constructive. I've tried audiobooks and I have a hard time comprehending what's being played because I'm focused on the road. If there was a way to do something with that time (which is usually about 90 min every day minimum), maybe it would help.
To be honest, I don't know what the solution is. My current approach is to just try to be aware of when I'm angry so that I can try to stop. I'm thinking if I practice doing that, eventually it will become habit and things will improve.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)